One of my favorite icons is not a traditional icon at all, but a wooden Good Shepherd puzzle-thing. Here He is:
If the sheep leaves the Shepherd, it looks like this:
See how the Shepherd has a sheep-shaped hole right in His middle?
The Shepherd has that special place for every one of us.
Just as we have a "God-shaped hole" in our lives...I believe the Shepherd is waiting and saving our own special seat for us, too.
Yesterday was (of course) Palm Sunday.
Fr. Court mentioned in the homily (directly after the narrative reading of the Passion) that the scheduling of the week had changed somewhat since he had been in the ministry...that previously, this Sunday was all about palms and hosannas and donkeys.
Now, he said, we (TEC) use the week to telescope all of Holy Week into one service. I guess that's just in case some people can't be bothered to attend Holy Week services; but I must say that going from "Prepare the way of the Lord" to "Crucify Him" in less than 30 minutes is damn hard to stomach. It makes me feel so betrayed. Suppose that's the point.
We have a guest singer in the choir for Holy Week; a woman from the local temple where some of our musicians have helped out vocally during the High Holy Days in the past. I glanced at her during the reading of the Passion and wondered what that was like for her and what she was thinking about it. She is from the Boston area, so I'm sure this was not her first experience of Christian theology & worship. I didn't get to ask her; I had to get to a meeting after the service was over.
I hope I do get to ask her, if she's willing to talk about it.
OH! Remember when I wished, last week, that I could spend all of Holy Week lying prostrate in front of a cross? You can read it here. Well, guess what: Since I whiplashed my neck on Tuesday, I am seeing the chiropractor 3 times a week for a few weeks. Before each adjustment, I lie face down on a table and have electro-stimulo therapy on my neck and back for 15 minutes. The music playing is sort of woo-woo massage therapist relaxation music, and it all works very well for me to imagine that there's a big ole cross on the wall in front of me. Good praying time.
So, watch what you ask for.
On the way home from the retreat we stopped for Holy Eucharist in Denison, TX at St. Luke's Episcopal Church. The rector there is a fellow who went to seminary from our church, and though I had never met him, he is well known and loved by many of our group.
His sermon was wonderful...he referred us to the scripture of the day in the pew Bibles by page number, and that is something that doesn't happen much in the Episcopal Church. In my opinion, it needs to be a regular thing! I hope it will become so in our home parish, as we have recently had a fund drive to purchase pew Bibles and they are expected to arrive any time. We need to connect the four readings from the Bible TO the Bible in a real and hands-on way.
The Holy Eucharist was Rite One, the more formal and old-fashioned language. I don't know when I have heard it last, and oh, have I missed it.
There is a prayer in Rite I called the Prayer of Humble Access that is said by all, just after the Fraction (breaking of the Bread) and just before the invitation to the Table:
"We do not presume to come to this thy Table, O merciful
Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in thy manifold
and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather
up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord
whose property is always to have mercy. Grant us therefore,
gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of thy dear Son Jesus Christ,
and to drink his blood, that we may evermore dwell in him,
and he in us. Amen."
Rite Two does not seem to me to give a place to express these thoughts, and I don't know why. I NEED to say it.
Here's a shout-out to Thomas Cranmer, who wrote the words that resonate so deeply for me.
We started a new Sunday School class today. We are reading and discussing Rabbi Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People. It's being led by our interim priest, Fr. Doug (Fr. David is on an extended leave of absence).
Fr. Doug is truly a gifted preacher and teacher. We are so fortunate to have him. His wife is our wonderful organist, and their 13 year old son is my knitting student.
Last Sunday, I had a lot of unbelief. As in, during the service my mind kept saying, "oh, come on, now. Really! How can you really believe that!?" I found it very unsettling, as this hasn't happened in many years, and not while IN CHURCH. So I prayed, "Lord, help me to believe. Help my unbelief. I believe. Really, I do!"
'Course, it was the Transfiguration, right...pretty weird stuff...
This Sunday it was a relief not to have the little conversation going on in my head. I believed last week, I believed this week, and I still do.
I do.
Today is Shrove Tuesday, also known as Fat Tuesday. Short version: It's yer chance to party before Lent!
"Hey, Mister, throw me somethin'!"
This means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which you probably were already aware of, BUT - did you know that Monday (yesterday) was Collop Monday? Well, I didn't! Go read more about it at Wikipedia.
Traditionally, on Shrove Tuesday, people made pancakes to use up their eggs, milk, sugar and flour...so that the house would be cleansed of rich foods during the Lenten season. 
Nowadays, we tend to have Shrove Tuesday pancake suppers at churches, with proceeds going to mission trips or other projects.
Here's a nice picture of President Eisenhower making pancakes...I don't know whether he was making them for Shrove Tuesday or not!
The word "Shrove" is actually the past tense of "shrive," which means to be cleansed by confession. "I have been shriven, he has been shriven, they have been shriven." It sounds wrinkly, doesn't it?
My current parish home is far more Anglican / high church than what I grew up with, and auricular confession is offered on this day. I plan to go in preparation for Lent - I have only ever made confession to a priest one other time.
After that, the pancake supper. Scheduling seems off somehow.
Today, I sat in the pew. 
Not in the choir loft; there was no choir call or director. Just Sally, our wonderful organist.
I didn't realize that there were a few choristers up there, and I could have gone up with them to support the congregational singing. But I arrived just 5 minutes before the service, and I need at least that much time to settle in before worship.
It looks different from down there. It IS different.
I had the sense that I was singing VERY loudly...I suppose because no one was right next to me doing the same, as I usually experience it. It was a slim attendance this morning. (Lord, be with my parish, and with your Church everywhere.)
Instead of a sermon, Fr. Court took requests for Christmas carols! He said that the Christmas season is so short (from Christmas until Epiphany) that we would be the sermon today in our Christmas singing. It was lovely. (Lord, bless those who sing!)
I had people I didn't know around me. My old social anxiety thing floated through the back of my mind ("you mean I have to talk to people I don't know!?"). What a gift my lay service has been with that issue, because it puts me in a safe place to take what feels like a scary step. And you know, the choir loft is not the place to keep striding with that. Gotta get out of the loft more. (Lord, bless my unbelief and keep healing my fear!)
I met some perfectly delightful folks who said they had been members previously and were thinking of coming back. I hope they will! I don't know, but suspect, that they may have been members of a nearby church whose priest has recently resigned due to the schism in our denomination. (Lord, help us see Your way in the churches, and to love each other while we disagree.)
The Gospel is read in the middle of the center aisle here, and the thurifer comes down and the Gospeller censes it first. I was right next to that. I have grown to love that little bit of HIgh-Churchery that I didn't know before coming here. (Lord, thank You for the varieties of religious expression!)
Seeing the Sacrament consecrated from below the altar instead of above it (way above it!) was wonderful, too. It seems to me I am supposed to be looking UP at that Mystery as it unfolds, hence the architecture of the church building. (Lord, renew your mystery in our lives.)
It was announced that our rector's wife, Gina, has entered home Hospice care. The prognosis is that she will likely live six more weeks on this earth, at the most. It came as a huge shock to me - I don't know why, because I knew that the experimental chemotherapy was not going well, and pancreatic cancer is a grim diagnosis in general. Hope is always with us, I suppose. The woman next to me (another Daughter of the King) and I wept together. I have been praying this afternoon for Gina and her family, and for our parish as we support the Hollands throughout this walk in the Valley of the Shadow.
Lord Jesus Christ, hold us in your arms. All your world. People I love and people I don't know. Gina and Saddam Hussein and my daddy, too. Everyone. Teach us to seek you, help us to see your wonderful face.
Amen.
Thursday, First Week of Advent: Elizabeth Praises Our Lady
At the sound of Mary's greeting, Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and cried out in joyous admiration: "Blest are you among women and blest is the fruit of your womb!" (Lk 1:42).
Christians who claim to be Spirit-led should never fear that their praise of the Mother of God will displease the Most High. She does not hoard the praise selfishly but turns it Godward, as Scripture shows her doing in her Magnificat of joy and gratitude.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
from my Advent devotional, Mini-Meditations for Advent, by Florence Wedge.
This is a Roman Catholic publication. I knew that when I bought it, but I'm a little surprised at the global reach of the author's words. She seems to realize that non-Catholics may read this and need a little "extry help".
As someone raised low-church Episcopalian (which means, more emphasis on the Protestant part than on the Catholic part), I feel a little touchy about Marianism. Of course, now I am in a high-church diocese, and we have a Mary statue and garden out front, along with a Mary altar on the side.
I think I am learning (which is likely what God means for me to do over time!) that I have much to learn from Mary. Thought I'd share it today.
On the way home from the funeral we attended Monday, Ken asked me to promise him that if I ended up planning his funeral, I wouldn't plan him one like THAT. Or like the others we have been to, recently, together. They have tended to be in funeral parlors, Baptist-y (though no altar calls) and with bad recorded music.
I was happy to promise. I am not much on funeral home chapels - I have a church to be buried from, thanks. And I myself want the Episcopal burial service. Ken said he doesn't want a casket or urn at his...he'd rather have a memorial service. We agree on no open caskets! And he has asked for a selection of plainchant music such is as sung at the Compline service he loves.
Ken said he didn't want to have Communion at his funeral. "Why not?" I asked.
"Because people don't like to go to funerals, and Communion makes it take too long."
Well, too darn bad, folks. If you come to my funeral you'd better plan to stay for communion (or you can leave early, if you're in such a big hurry!)
My friend Pat Masters died suddenly in her sleep on Sunday night. She was the youngest 73-year-old I ever met...She had just joined our Daughters of the King chapter last year. We took a walk together while on retreat in January, and I had a hard time keeping up with her! As far as I know there was no illness or indication of this happening. I am so shocked and sad...not for Pat, because I know she is with our Father, and she didn't have to suffer...but for me and our church and her family.
Pat is the wife of Fr. Ralph, one of the retired priests who serve our congregation, so I am sure the service will be standard. The choir will sing. 
I hope Pat is in the flowers now.
One of my newer RevGals colleagues, SALT for the Spirit, directed me to Tonia of Intent for Living's idea:
The Month of September as 30 Days of Nothing: not buying extraneous stuff.
My inital response was WOW. That is going to be tough. John 6:60 came to mind: "On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"
And it is. But it's way too easy to walk through the grocery and say, "ooo, let's try some of THAT! and THAT!" with convenience products, frozen foods, magazines, non-necessary stuff. When so many people are starving and don't have clean water or medical care. I don't need diet cherry Limeades from Sonic every other day.
This is my commitment alone; I don't know that my family will be up for it. But I am going to try to do it with the meals I cook for us. I have The More With Less Cookbook, written by Mennonites, and everything I make from it my husband loves! Turns out he has been hankering for cheap food...like he grew up on. Who knew.
So. The plan is: Plan meals and grocery lists; use what I have, buy only necessities (food staples, etc.) and produce that's in season; knit from what I have (and I have plenty to knit!); reading from the library, home-done pedicures...you get it.
The money I would spend on these luxuries, I'll put aside and send to ... I'm not sure yet.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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