Terrapin Station

I'm baaack

So, I haven't posted here since July. There was a billing hiccup, and then I forgot to fix it, and then VOILA! It's October. Story of my life.

But, it's time to get back to the writing, I think.

Because it's #National Coming Out Day.

Here are some things that occur to me about this:

I went to my nephew's wedding in LA on the 3rd. All the little kiddos there (a feisty group of three-to-six year olds who ran, and ran, and ran) saw nothing strange about the marriage of two young men, and they never will. If I were to tell them, in later years, that the fact of it was an amazing miracle, the possibility not yet a year old, they would smile politely and think, "dusty old lady from a dusty old time."

When I told my shuttle driver I was here for a nephew's wedding, and he asked if the bride's family was from LA, I told him matter of factly, "actually his partner is a man, so there were two grooms." He seemed a little taken aback, but we were all there once. (Or I was, anyway.)

Gay-straight alliances in secondary schools don't mean that everything is perfect, but they mean that some kids are courageous enough to be out, and that some of their peers are supporting them. And that means that less kids have to go through the confusion I did at that age, dating gay boys who were still closeted to themselves as well as the world.

I attend a wonderful church with this welcome statement:

St. Martin-in-the-Fields Episcopal Church is a welcoming congregation offering spiritual sanctuary to all, regardless of race, color, gender, sexual orientation, age, ability, or socio-economic class, and to all persons who have felt marginalized in any way. We recognize each individual as a unique child of God. As we move forward with the work of this church, we commit ourselves to making justice and inclusivity a reality in this congregation and the world.

Until I transferred to this church, in the continuing Diocese of Fort Worth, three years ago...those statements would never have been made by my Dallas church. By many in it, yes; by the parish as a whole, no. Certainly not by that diocese.

I'm grateful to be located close enough to my church to belong and participate there.

And I need to recognize and be grateful for this positive, freedom-recognizing, loving movement in our country and our world, because, frankly, the rest of it seems so very, very grim. Every day, it seems to get worse.

For today, let's celebrate. Let's rejoice that people can marry the ones they love, and that our world is beginning, slowly, to understand that as a good thing.

What is said from the pulpit?

Last year, Dan Savage spoke at our campus.  It was a great thing.  I felt very fortunate to be able to attend. 

One of the things he mentioned in his talk was how kids are growing up hearing from pulpits of churches that "God hates fags." 

A colleague, who was raised in a religion other than Christian, whispered to me, "Do they say that at your church?" I said, "NO!  If they did, I wouldn't be there!" 

I was really rather offended.  Does the person have no idea who I am, at all?  (Actually, probably not, but that's a different story.)

Today I read in Dan Pearce's post "Stoned to Death" about his fear of coming out as bisexual:

...Most of the rocks came in the form of dogmatic religious teachings. Since I was a young child, I was made to sit through countless church sermons and Sunday school lessons which focused on the topic. I was made to attend special events as a teenager where grown men stood before us and insisted that God had declared it… being anything other than straight was a really, really bad sin...

It goes on.  If you haven't read it, you should. 

Part of my failure of imagination in this matter is that I can't conceive of a church where that would even be mentioned.  Right, Episcopal dioceses are splitting up over this issue, but if it has been mentioned from a pulpit in my presence, I was not paying attention. 

Makes me wonder what else I have missed. 

It gets better for lots of people in lots of ways

I dreamed last night for what seemed like a long time, and I woke up remembering it.  And that means that it's worth paying attention to.

In my dream, I was hanging out with R., my gay boyfriend from college.  I have had a number of gay boyfriends.  Not in the "he's out and proud, and we love to go shopping together" way, but in the "he's not out to you and maybe not to himself and certainly not to his parents" way. Because, you see, this was 25-30 years ago.  No one knew, then, that It Could Get Better.  No one talked about it at all.

In the dream, he was trying to set me up with another guy.  I was wounded and angry and didn't understand why!  When I woke up, I did: he was trying to put me with someone who  matched me in terms of orientation.  And he was trying to remove himself from an impossible situation. 

I can't blame R. for that (even though nothing like that actually happened in our relationship).  We spent a lot of years with him telling me that, although he'd had a relationship with a man in the past, he didn't think he was actually gay.  And I was willing to believe him about that, and work with him on it.  We actually got engaged one night at Bonfire; you may be sure that there were definitely happy-making substances involved. Hope Springs Eternal, no?

Several years after we were in college and he was out to me, R. took his life partner to his parents' house for his birthday, and they brought in a stripper.  A female stripper.  Oh, yes, they did.  I saw the video they made of it.  It was torturous to watch.  His parents had been told but could not accept it. Horrible for him, for his partner.

And, in general, the whole messy set of situations, not very nice for me. 

In high school and college, I had also dated men who were not gay, some seriously, and so I had a realistic idea of what heterosexual men were interested in.

And yet, I kept getting involved with guys who needed a beard, or couldn't even imagine being gay, or whatever.  At the time, I wasn't sophisticated enough to understand or suspect any of it.  In fact, I remember vividly the first time a guy I had dated came out to me, and it was utterly mind blowing.  Because, back then, that didn't happen.  There was no Gay Straight Alliance at my school (or anywhere that I knew of!).  There were folks I knew in high school who turned out (later) to be gay, and I said, with the vantage point of later "well of course they were," but there was not a single indication that I was aware of about that at the time.  If they were bullied (and I'm sure they were) I was oblivious.

It was like the 1920's or the 1850's or something.  "The Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name," I knew about it, but I had no sense of the reality of it that surrounded me. 

In my undergraduate work I did a Technical Speaking class and my major project was on Ryan White, the little boy who got AIDS from a blood transfusion and whose local school district wanted to ban him.  They didn't understand how AIDS was spread and they were afraid.  In my presentation I said (based on my research) that up to 10% of the population is gay, and my professor said, "Oh, now, that can't possibly be true."  She was utterly SHOCKED by that statement. 

I, on the other hand, was at that time going to the local gay bar with R. and his gay friends (yes, you can say it: "REALLY MB?!  You still thought he was going to turn out straight? REALLY?!") and there were always A LOT of people there.  Note that it was very well hidden, no signage.  We were always on the alert in case there was a raid.  And we always drank beer from bottles, never cocktails, because of AIDS, because we were afraid. 

Afraid, afraid, afraid. 

What I gained from these associations (besides a lot of fun and great friendships) was a lot of confusion and frustration.  And fear: what was wrong with ME? It had lasting effects.  I still struggle with them. 

So when I hear about my friend's wonderful high school daughter who is a straight ally in her school's chapter of GSA, I am absolutely thrilled.  That young lady has friends who have been aware of their real orientations for years and who have had allies to stand beside them. I'm not saying they have it easy, or that all the GLBTQIA kids are out, but the information is there.  The It Gets Better Project is there.  The Trevor Project is there.  Glee is a major national TV show with gay teenage characters.  There are other groups and organizations, and most of all, it's part of our national conversation.

It gets better.  When it gets better for them, it gets better for us.  Because we are all THEM and they are all US in some ways. 

 

Words Matter!

Mixed Messages from ABofC Dangerous for LGBT in Uganda

 

Words Matter

by

Louise Brooks

Integrity USA

Board Member & Director of Communications

In his press conference yesterday in Dublin, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, condemned the actions of the Ugandan rag "Rolling Stone" (not to be confused with the US magazine) for calling for the hanging of "homos". He pointed out that words matter ..... when uttered by what he called "this rotten, disgraceful Ugandan publication" and they have serious consequences.  Responsibility needs to be taken, he said.

The same goes for the Archbishop. Words matter. In the same press conference he defended Ugandan Archbishop Henry Orombi's anti-gay stance. The Irish Times put it this way:  "Defending Bishop Orombi, Archbishop Williams, head of the worldwide Anglican Communion, emphasised that, as with other relevant Anglican primates, Bishop Orombi’s position concerned “exclusion from ministry on grounds of behaviour, not orientation”.

Those words uttered by the Archbishop, supporting the institutionalized homophobia in the Church of Uganda, matter. They send a dangerous mixed message that does nothing but perpetuate an atmosphere of fear and discrimination. An atmosphere that could lead to violence and death. He needs to take responsibility for muddy-ing the waters.

Here is the Church of Uganda's position on homosexuality:

From a plain reading of Scripture, from a careful reading of Scripture, and from a critical reading of Scripture, homosexual practice has no place in God’s design of creation, the continuation of the human race through procreation, or His plan of redemption. Even natural law reveals that the very act of sexual intercourse is an experience of embracing the sexual “other”. The Church of Uganda, therefore, believes that “Homosexual practice is incompatible with Scripture” (Resolution 1.10, 1998 Lambeth Conference). At the same time, the Church of Uganda is committed at all levels to offer counseling, healing and prayer for people with homosexual disorientation, especially in our schools and other institutions of learning. The Church is a safe place for individuals, who are confused about their sexuality or struggling with sexual brokenness, to seek help and healing.

The Archbishop supports Orambi's exclusion of homosexuals. How does excluding people for who they are even pretend to be Christian?

Word matter. Our words matter as well. We need to continue to urge the Archbishop of Canterbury and all faith leaders to step up and speak out against homophobia. We need to ask the Archbishop to stop speaking out of both sides of his mouth. He needs to hear words that say: Supporting those who support homophobia is no different than supporting homophobia yourself. 

Yesterday  the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, Katharine Jefferts-Schori, called upon us all to "heal the world". A giant step toward healing is ending homophobia. A good start would be for the Archbishop of Canterbury to recognize his words matter. No more mixed messages. Please!!!!!!


Louise Brooks is a Media & Messaging Consultant.

Hallelujah!

From IntegriTV.  Amazing things are happening in The Episcopal Church.  I am humbled and proud. 

Stonewall 2009?

From Hope for Peace and Justice at the Cathedral of Hope

As you may have heard, in the early morning hours of Sunday, June 28, the Fort Worth Police Department raided the Rainbow Lounge, a new, primarily gay bar in the city. As you also know, Sunday, June 28 marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, considered to be the beginning of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights movement in the United States. For many, this coincidence is a chilling reminder of the fact that, while we have come so far, the journey to equality is not yet finished. The Cathedral of Hope and Hope for Peace & Justice issued the following statement yesterday in response to the actions of the Fort Worth Police Department:

World’s Largest Gay Church Decries Actions of Fort Worth Police:
Dallas-based Cathedral of Hope calls raid “unacceptable”

Dallas, Texas – June 28, 2009 – The Dallas, Texas-based Cathedral of Hope, known as the world’s largest lesbian and gay church, has issued the following statement regarding the raid on the Rainbow Lounge early this morning by the Fort Worth Police Department:
June 28 is celebrated throughout the United States and elsewhere as the beginning of the lesbian and gay civil rights movement in this country. Surely this did not escape the knowledge of the Fort Worth Police Department as they raided the Rainbow Lounge early this morning. In a scene eerily reminiscent of the raid on the Stonewall Inn in New York City’s Greenwich Village 40 years ago, the police reportedly entered the bar unprovoked, harassing and arresting patrons without reason. The Cathedral of Hope and Hope for Peace & Justice call on Chief of Police Jeffrey Halstead to issue a full report and apology immediately. This kind of targeted humiliation and harassment was unacceptable 40 years ago, and it is unacceptable today. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and their friends, families and allies have had enough.
Reverend Michael Piazza, Dean of the Cathedral, in condemning the raid, said, “After more than a generation of progress, this action shows that there is still much work to be done to ensure that all Americans enjoy ‘equal protection under the law.’ It is tragic that lesbian and gay taxpayers are still abused by the very people who are paid by our taxes.”