Terrapin Station

The Meds Man

I see a great doc who manages my meds for depression and anxiety.  That's all he does, not counseling or anything else.  We just have quick checkins. 

When I went into his office yesterday I launched into a litany of my woes.  It was very frustrating because he kept asking questions about Ken's situation and the backstory.  ("We aren't here to talk about him, dammit! - this is about me!")

I get that he wanted the backstory, but seriously? this is a 15 minute meds check.  (Oh, so that's why he runs so late...when desperate folks like me show up, he takes the time he needs.  What a concept! so humane!) 

Yeah, so finally we got to me.  He really called me out on my unwillingness to leave Ken at home (except to go to work) due to guilt, even to do the things I know I need to do, like Jazzercise. Put your own oxygen mask on first, blah blah blah.  My head knows all those things.  My heart does not. 

So he wrote it on a prescription pad for me, Jazzercise 3x a week.  And he gave it to me with the other prescriptions and said, "you know, these pills will not work unless you do the exercise.  They WILL NOT WORK." 

I meekly agreed, and went to Jazzercise.  Afterward I stopped off at the bird-listening place.  The birds on the playbill were grackles, not always the most melodious, but I took the time to hear them.  Then a man with abeautiful yellow lab showed up and they played Fetch the Tennis Ball in the Pond. 

Good end to a weird day. 

Jazzercise Made me think of this...

My last post about Jazzercise reminded me of something important.

In addition to the physical and emotional benefits of doing Jazzercise, I realize that it's a community of mine, and an important one, even though I don't have any close friends who attend there. Going there makes me feel happy: I am with positive people who are doing something good for themselves, taking time away from their busy schedules to do so. They are an example to me!

I have been thinking a lot about community in recent weeks, especially after the RevGals BE and conversations about what is community, what is church.  What is ours to do about our friends who don't attend a church and see no need to? 

My friend, Rev. Teri Peterson (she blogs at Clever Title Here) preached an amazing sermon in January. You can read it here.   AND, you can see her preach it here.  Worth your listening time.  The rest of this post won't make sense unless you watch or read...

    It's great. 

After that Sunday, Teri expressed surprise and some concern afterward because many people told her it was "her best sermon ever." She didn't know what made it so good; in fact, she didn't think it    was even in her top three. But I thought it was amazing.

Why did it whack ME between the eyes? Partly because she told her own personal story, which I happen to like as a homiletical tool. And partly because her story is really pretty fascinating and amazing, and she PREACHES THE WORD with it. 

And partly it hit me: because of my BFF. She has attended some special music or holiday events at church with me, but she is an agnostic (raised Catholic).  She is not interested in any church, anywhere.  Not in a box, not with a fox. 

She also will not drink the Jazzercise kool-aid with me. I've invited her to try it many times, but she is sure she would hate it; she doesn't like that kind of exercise, she likes to go to the gym. Okay, I can respect that. I just mention it sometimes, when there is a special or free classes. Because, there are some other things I suggested to her, that she didn't think she would like, and they have turned out to work really WELL. (And some have NOT and that's a whole other story from Big Idea Woman...).  And, selfishly, I'd love her to like it too, and go with me sometimes.  (I cannot lie.)

Back to inviting people to church:  I respect the fact that BFF is an agnostic. And so I don't invite her to come to regular services with me, because I don't want to offend her.  Because that's not how I was raised, and I don't want be an "annoying Christian." 

So if I am more willing to "evangelize" for Jazzercise than for church...what's that say?

Just pondering. 

Getting Back to Jazzercise

I've been doing Jazzercise for more than 12 years.  I count it by Ken's and my relationship, because when we were dating we would go to Brandon's roller hockey games and practices at the Spinning Wheels Roller Rink in Denton.  Jazzercise had classes there that ended just before the kids went out on the floor, and I got interested, and it seemed like it would be convenient to work out and then meet the guys there for events.  (That never really happened, BTW; I ended up going at different times.) 

I remember when I first did JC, it was hard to get into the movements (although, like any child of the 70's and 80's, I'd done plenty of aerobics,  Jane Fonda LP, anyone?).  But once I did, they were there in my body's "hard drive" and doing new routines became easy and enjoyable.  And the instructors talked to us, and told us stories, and it was funny and fun.  I liked it. 

Another important part of why JC works for me is that people wear whatever (from fancy workout clothes to schlumpy shorts and t-shirts), and there are NO mirrors in the studios.  I think that is a franchise rule.  I do NOT need to be watching myself work out...it causes me to think mean things (about me!) or competitive things, and frankly, none of that is productive or my business.  My current studio has 2 smoked-glass windows separating it from the next room, and I am careful to position myself in the room where I can't look over and see me. 

Over the years, I had some significant breaks from JC, for both good and dumb reasons.  Going back was always hard, but every time there was the little spark of joy I'd find when I realized I was enjoying it again, and then eventually I'd start finding ways to make the workout more effective...paying attention to form rather than just slogging through it.  Getting to that point feels completely awesome. 

I took a long break after a knee injury a few years ago, and I've never really gotten back into the routine of going to class for a significant period of time.  And, unhappy about the resultant weight gain, I was just getting there again in Spring last year when my right shoulder and arm started to hurt.  Doctors advised me against Jazzercise until we figured out what it was.  An MRI showed a pinched nerve in my neck. I tried all that they had to offer:  Physical therapy and drugs. Nope.  On my own, I sought out acupuncture, chiropractic, and massage.  All helped, briefly.  Nothing helped over the long term. 

In the meantime I had gained MORE weight (oy) and saw pictures of myself from the RevGals BE (AUGH!) and so I thought, "why not...if it makes my shoulder worse, so be it."  So I went back to Jazzercise.  And man, it is harder than ever to get back into it: because I am heavier than ever, because I now have a "trick" knee to watch out for, because I need to watch my posture to make sure my shoulder is not in the funny place it sometimes goes. 

And yet: while it's taking longer to get to that sweet spot of enjoyment, I can see it ahead of me.  Yesterday's morning class was a blast; all the music was energetic and fun, and I had a great time.  My mother will often say, "Be sure you sing that hymn at my funeral!" and I had a passing thought during class to ask the instructor afterward, "Hey, will you do that set at my funeral? 

Hmm, Jazzercise at a funeral.  Not bad.  If you had Jazzercisers at your funeral. 

There's a woman who comes to class there named Pat, and I do believe she is in her 70's.  She comes to many, many classes, often more than one a day.  I understand she also swims for exercise.  Pat modifies some of the movements (as I also do, now) to meet her physical abilities...but she is THERE.  I want to be Pat.  I want to be showing up and moving my body when I am 78.  God willing! 

I am really grateful to the folks who have been at Denton Jazzercise for a long time who always welcome me back warmly when I show up, and don't say, "where the hell have you been!?"  The answer is generally clear on my body...I've been out there falling into disrepair. 

And, hey, you know what?  My shoulder is GETTING BETTER.  Without the drugs.  So there.

Friday Five: What to do...

As posted by Kathrynzj at RevGalBlogPals:

Greetings from the land of the Big To-Do!

It seems like every year I enter into the summer with a growing list of HUGE projects/events/trips that seem to have a permanent place on the 'to do' list.
This year I have a huge move pending so that takes up an entire list all on its own, but it doesn't take a big event like that for me to make plans bigger than my summer can hold!
How about you?

Is this the third summer in a row you have made a pledge involving your garage and actually getting a car into it?
Did you once again miss the registration deadline for the continuing education event of your dreams ?
Are you starting to think you couldn't even find the tents, let alone get it together to pull off a camping trip?

Here is your chance to get it out into the open and OWN your Big To-Do! Who knows? Maybe making the list will help you move the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-Da!

Thanks, Kathryn!  I just love this timely Five.  And that I am home with some time to do it. 

1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do?  Fix up the side yard again so we can cook out and spend time there.  In former years we did some grilling, outdoor dining, and hot tubbing in summer months.  Then the man came who was going to build us a waterfall (AKA Teh Big Faker).  He made a huge mess and ran off without finishing.  Ken knows how to do what he wants to do out there, himself, and this is the year we do it and get back outside.  "Stay-Cation."

2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do?  Not sure yet.  We were supposed to go to England for the Big Fancy Church Choir Tour but thanks to the economy and other factors, we are not going now.    :(  So I've told him we must plan something equally fabulous (????)  in place of that trip.  

Work-related, I do know that I'm going to Atlanta in late July (I know...sucky timing) to repeat the training that I've just started out with.  I'm excited about doing the training, the curriculum rocks! and about the venue for this...it looks beautiful. 

3) What trip is on your Big To-Do?  This weekend we are headed elsewhere in Texas to pick up a Lees-ure Lite trailer.  It's lightly used (recycling!) and should be fun.  We will camp on the way home...hope it's not TOO hot for that already...we will find out! 

4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do?   Well, I guess I answered this in #1, because that's his project.  But he needs to get excited about it or it won't get done. 

5) Getting inspired?  What's on your list? 

• I'm planning to continue my "back to Jazzercise ways" and I have paid for a month of Personal Touch classes in June. This will be in addition to regular class attendance. I love me some Jazzercise, in case I haven't told you lately.

• Also have realized that I have to paint (or tile or something) the kitchen stove backsplash (thanks to a smoky, scorchy incident a few weeks ago with turning on the wrong electric burner and cooking/melting an angel food cake in a plastic container. Yuck.

• And the bathroom is going to have to be done. The tiles are Fifties Pepto Pink and when we moved in we painted it a lighter pink, but I'm ready for a change!! Any color suggestions to go with what's there? I'd love to use a pale green but Ken says that reminds him of a hospital...

• and OMG then there's the hall which has NEVER been painted and still has the pickled pine paneling (AUGH!).

• I will be painting all summer!

Baby steps, baby steps.  I'll start with the backsplash! 

As posted by Kathrynzj at RevGalBlogPals:

Greetings from the land of the Big To-Do!

It seems like every year I enter into the summer with a growing list of HUGE projects/events/trips that seem to have a permanent place on the 'to do' list.
This year I have a huge move pending so that takes up an entire list all on its own, but it doesn't take a big event like that for me to make plans bigger than my summer can hold!
How about you?

Is this the third summer in a row you have made a pledge involving your garage and actually getting a car into it?
Did you once again miss the registration deadline for the continuing education event of your dreams ?
Are you starting to think you couldn't even find the tents, let alone get it together to pull off a camping trip?

Here is your chance to get it out into the open and OWN your Big To-Do! Who knows? Maybe making the list will help you move the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-Da!

Thanks, Kathryn!  I just love this timely Five.  And that I am home with some time to do it. 

1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do?  Fix up the side yard again so we can cook out and spend time there.  In former years we did some grilling, outdoor dining, and hot tubbing in summer months.  Then the man came who was going to build us a waterfall (AKA Teh Big Faker).  He made a huge mess and ran off without finishing.  Ken knows how to do what he wants to do out there, himself, and this is the year we do it and get back outside.  "Stay-Cation."

2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do?  Not sure yet.  We were supposed to go to England for the Big Fancy Church Choir Tour but thanks to the economy and other factors, we are not going now.    :(  So I've told him we must plan something equally fabulous (????)  in place of that trip.  

Work-related, I do know that I'm going to Atlanta in late July (I know...sucky timing) to repeat the training that I've just started out with.  I'm excited about doing the training, the curriculum rocks! and about the venue for this...it looks beautiful. 

3) What trip is on your Big To-Do?  This weekend we are headed elsewhere in Texas to pick up a Lees-ure Lite trailer.  It's lightly used (recycling!) and should be fun.  We will camp on the way home...hope it's not TOO hot for that already...we will find out! 

4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do?   Well, I guess I answered this in #1, because that's his project.  But he needs to get excited about it or it won't get done. 

5) Getting inspired?  What's on your list? 

I'm planning to continue my "back to Jazzercise ways" and I have paid for a month of Personal Touch classes in June. This will be in addition to regular class attendance. I love me some Jazzercise, in case I haven't told you lately.

Jazzercise Ticker!

Okay, the walking really fell off...and walking isn't my primary exercise anyway.  Jazzercise is.  So I might as well track activity I am REALLY doing!

2/19/08:  I'm modifying my goal for 5 classes a week through May of this year.  (That's three regular cardio classes and two Personal Touch classes per week.  5 x 4 = 20 x 5 = 100.)