Terrapin Station

Here is a good story

This past weekend we went to Kerens, where Ken's sister and her family live.  We enjoyed their church's Christmas play and had dinner together afterward.

As I drove home, I thought how lucky I feel to be a part of that family.  Good as gold, they are. 

I didn't realize until afterward the hidden gift of the day.  Ken was telling them that he is feeling better, really he is; better than he has in years.  He would make a typical Ken joke and they would grin at each other and say, "he's back!" 

I have been seeing it in the last few months and weeks, but this was a different kind of seeing: looking through someone else's eyes.  (Four people's eyes, three of whom have all known him much longer than I have.)  The last time we were there was in March, and he was feeling really terrible. 

There have been several periods when he didn't think he was going to make it.  For a while he didn't want to. 

But, today, he is back. 

BlogHer's NaBloPoMo

Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Bob Marley asked: "Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?"  How would you answer him?

(My beautiful home with lots of potential.  Wonderful dogs.  Landscaping by Awesome Husband.)

In the main, yes.  

I have a loving husband who is getting WELL after over a year of being so, so sick. 

I have a beautiful home with lots of potential (read: OLD) for beautification projects. 

I have a loving and supportive extended family and dear close friends.

I have a wonderful group of RevGals who I consider my sisters. 

I have a job I enjoy, that provides for me.  Including retirement savings and, especially, health insurance, which has been a concern all my life. 

I adore my dogs.  I adore the public library. I adore my small Texas town. 

Are there some things I would change?  Sure.  We could use more money (aha, everyone thinks that!)  We could use a heck of a lot less STUFF.  My body could use to be much healthier and less...fluffy. 

So there are things to improve.  But I am happy.  And that was what I always wanted. 

 

Friday Five: Looking Forward and Back

Over at RevGals, Sally writes:

A simple Friday Five for a busy part of the year; indulge me by sharing two fives:

As you look back over 2011 share 5 blessings; they can be as grand or as simple as you like; if your year has been like mine, they are probably a mixture!

As you look towards 2012 share 5 hopes- again, anything goes!

1) Ken's cancer treatment this year didn't turn out anything like we thought it would.  Still overcoming obstacles.  We were blessed by love and support from people near and far: church, web, RevGals, family.  There were nurses and one particular dentist who turned out to be angels. 

2) Perhaps the greatest blessing is that he has now put together a week of good days.  That is the first since before treatment began in June.  He's out on a motorcycle run right now and I'm delighted.  Gorgeous sunny weather and great for riding. 

3) Internet community of tubies...people who eat or feed someone a blenderized diet...has been invaluable.  Ken was never able to tolerate Ensure or other medically created formulas for enteral feeding, and I learned so much from the folks online about using a Vitamix blender to create varied, nutritious, and tolerable meals for him.  Especially I met ("met") Aadhar O'Gorman, a fascinating fellow in Australia who has been a pioneer in this area...while his degenerative condition is bringing his death ever nearer.  His writing about these things is fascinating and moving, and his plans for a Natural Burial appeal to me greatly.  Check out Entropy and Light at this link. 

4) My parents have endured ongoing health challenges but are well supported by their church, friends, and my local sister and her family.  For self-preservation I have had to set boundaries and get clear that Ken and his care was my priority this year.  I have not been to San Angelo but once since May...for a great 168th birthday party that honored both my parents (Mom was 80 and Dad turned 86).  They have a new lady named Velma who comes in and loves and cares for them.  I am delighted by this.  I want to be there but can't, and I'm glad that she and Nancy my sister can. 

5)  Our daughter Holley is doing so well and I'm so proud of her.  At 32 she is working as an EMT and is building a house in the Houston area.  And while this year has been extremely challenging for Brandon (22) and for our relationship with him...I truly believe we have all learned from it.  He is working at UNT in Facilities Management and I am proud of his commitment to that job and learning new things. I guess this one belongs in the Hopes area too.  We hope so much for our kids, especially their taking responsibility and learning to be happy and productive away from us.  

6) Too important to leave out...Amy Haynie's ordination to the diaconate in May and to the priesthood in December.  What a glory to God.  She came to visit Ken during our December week in the hospital (the week prior to her priestly ordination) and as I watched her minister to both of us, and anoint him and pray, the rightness and trueness of this long-denied vocation flooded me.  The Spirit was present in that place.  Thanks be to God.

Hopes

1) I hope that Ken continues to feel better each day.  I hope that we can find a doctor/nutritionist/other person who will be ideally trained to help him create a plan of moderate exercise and body-building diet to regain the strength and muscle tone that the year has taken from him. 

2) I hope I can (and will!) now concentrate some more on my own body and soul and their needs.  This week's vacation has amply illustrated that, once all the responsibilities of work and Christmas "let down" I sort of collapsed.  Including literally; I had a bad fall in the driveway a few days ago and I'm all beat up.  I am certain that is my body's way of saying, "Hey...slow down and pay attention."  So here I am. 

3) I chose a word for the year, which was by invitation of Christine Valters Paintner at Abbey of the Arts.  Here is what I wrote at the blog: 

My word for 2012 is "window." This is important to me in many ways.

In 2009 I changed jobs and was moved into a small room without a window. I loved the work but hated the enclosed feeling; it felt like a punishment for 2 years.

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to move to a new space with TWO (2) windows. It's on the third floor of an old building and I glory, glory in the light, the views, the rain, the birds and squirrels.

And my husband had cancer treatment this year. We are looking forward from a sad and bad year to a new and healthier, happier one. We are looking into the window of the new year for our future.

What will we see?

I am physically washing windows of my home in this vacation.  I will be focusing on this through the year...figurative window cleaning...Like Felix, who became a Bishop in Madeleine L'Engle's A Severed Wasp...who told Katherine he was "a window cleaner." His call was to be a person who cleared the way for others.  I need to at least be that for myself.  I hope to be. 

4) I hope to be on the RevGals BE5 Cruise in late January/early February.  I have been signed up for months, and paid up, and at this point am totally planning on it.  There have been times in the last few months when I have doubted I would feel free to leave Ken. I hope, oh I hope, I can go.  I need it so much. 

5) and I hope so much for our world.  Just typing that brings tears.  I feel very vulnerable and horrible for the pain and suffering that are so many people's daily lives...and animals', and the planet's...I am praying to discern where my ministry is outside my home. 

Happy 2012 to all!

Turning the corner

This is the week when Ken turned the corner.

(A pause while you all jump up and down madly at home).

So, just for the record, he had:

2 full months of treatments (daily radiation and weekly chemo with a small break to be in the hospital, yuck) June 20 to August 22.

then he had:

2 months of feeling horrible and worse, from August 23 to October 16.

And then Monday of this past week the visiting nurse said, "what do you want to do?" and he said, "Ride the Rocket."

So they went outside and he rode up and down our street while she watched. We're gonna bronze that nurse.

Every day this week he has gotten better. Yesterday he drove to Aubrey with friends and picked up the motorcycle in the shop and rode it home. No, he probably wasn't ready for it, but he did it. And later in the day he rode to Krum to an auto show at the Sonic. (Could I make this up?) It was the first time he's gone anywhere (besides to doctor appointments) without me since this started. And that was good.

And this morning he reported "the best night so far" and "I feel good." I am definitely hesitant to report this because he has often felt really bad after feeling good. 2 good days in a row seems like impossible fortune.

I am still blenderizing his food and he is more than ready to start eating again, but swallowing therapy is needed first. Seems strange to have to learn to swallow again, when we were most of us born knowing instinctively how to do it. But radiation causes physiological changes, as does lack of use.

We've run into some challenges with the feeding tube for the first time this weekend (that's right, just when everything else is going so well). Nothing I can't fix. We'd both like to be done with this part. But that's ok. I still heart my VitaMix and figuring out how to do it best or right or somehow.

Last night we watched The Green Lantern on PPV. Good movie, clearly made from a comic strip. I decided that anything that Sheldon Cooper likes enough to wear on his shirt so often was worth a look.

Thanks for sticking with us. We're going to make it!!!

I love Safe Passage!

Do you know Safe Passage?

If not, please visit the site linked above and learn about them.  It's a wonderful organization founded by a young woman named Hanley Denning, who went to Guatemala in 1997  to learn Spanish and had her life changed.  She saw young children at work with their parents in the Guatemala City garbage dump, scavenging food and items to sell in order to survive - and she founded Safe Passage in order to help some of those children go to school.  The program has grown tremendously and I'm thrilled to sponsor a wonderful girl there, K, for the last 4 years.   Back in late August, when things were looking bad and sad here, I got the following letter and photos, and they MADE MY DAY.  My month, my year!  Check it out:

Dear Mary Beth,

It is our pleasure to inform you that your sponsor child, K, recently took part in her Quinceañera.  This rite of passage in Latin culture traditionally marks a girl’s 15^th birthday with a celebration of her transition from childhood to womanhood.  21 Safe Passage girls celebrated their fifteenth birthdays in 2011 and we celebrated them in a joint party on July 31^st. 

For two months leading up to the event, the girls attended various workshops touching on themes such as:  self esteem, pregnancy prevention, body changes, being a professional woman, and emotional intelligence.  The sports program also organized a Latin dance workshop each Saturday leading up to the party to give the girls time to bond and become more confident in their dance skills for the big day.

For more information you can read blog posts about the event and preparations at http://safepassage.org/blog/2011/08/02/big-day

Attached to this email is a photo of your sponsor child on this special day as well as a photo of the full group of quinceañeras.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here she is:  So beautiful! 

K is 5th from left in front

I love that the organization is small enough to send sponsors these personal types of messages.    I love what they do.  I dream of going to Guatemala one day to volunteer in the program.  (Better brush up on my Spanish though...)

 

 

Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear

I've just signed up for my second online class, running this fall, at the Episcopal Seminary of the Southwest: 

Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear

From global economic meltdown to health care crisis, from terrorism to nuclear proliferation, the present age is marked by a pervasive sense of threat and insecurity. This cultural landscape tempts Christians to embrace a self-protective ethic of safety at the expense of faithful discipleship. In this course we will look at ways to counter this idolatry of security and to embrace an ethic of risk that manifests itself in hospitality, peacemaking, and generosity.

This course is taught by
Dr. Scott Bader-Saye

I am one of your more "glass-half-full" types of people...but as you know if you have met me, my husband is the opposite.  That's putting it mildly.  In addition to any input he or his TV friends may give me (from which I mostly excuse myself), I have a pervasive feeling lately that we are all going to hell in the proverbial handbasket. 

So when I saw this class announced, I knew it was for me. 

I'll keep you posted. 

WorldFest on the Square, Denton

Lined up for flag parade!!

 

Opening ceremony, UNT African Dance Ensemble 

  photos by David Minton, Denton Record-Chronicle

Yesterday's festivities for the WorldFest on the Square started with a parade of nations and moved into introductions of each country's flag and its bearer; many of them accompanied by local Brownie Scouts in uniform.  Then dancing by UNT's African Ensemble, speeches by the university president, Mayor of Denton, Consul General of Mexico in Dallas, and others.  There were three hours of great performances by international students...from a Japanese band (for whom I must find a CD!), tango dancers, Thai and Korean traditional dancing,

We had booths featuring countries from every region of the world, with a passport that visitors to the booths could get stamped after learning about the countries.  There was international food to enjoy: Thai, Indian, Korean, and Peruvian.  We partnered with organizers of Friday night's Fiesta on the Square, an established event that afforded us much assistance and excellent advice.   We had sponsor booths there from the outreach group of a local Catholic church, Visual Arts Society of Denton, Girl Scouts, 2010 Census, Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Opening Doors Immigration Services, and more. 

Must give props to the weather, which was gorgeous; the Courthouse on the Square, which provided a lovely, shady space under huge spreading pecan trees; the Courthouse Museum, which was open for our browsing pleasure and graciously allowed us to use its restrooms!  Tremendous amounts of hard work by the organizers, volunteers, lots of students. 

It was a great way for UNT to bring a lot of what we already do out to the community.  We will be doing it again!! 

For those feeling cynical...

Life Goes On

By Howard Thurman

During these turbulent times we must
remind ourselves repeatedly
that life goes on.
This we are apt to forget.
The wisdom of life transcends our wisdoms;
the purpose of life outlasts our purposes;
the process of life cushions our processes.
The mass attack of disillusion and despair,
distilled out of the collapse of hope,
has so invaded our thoughts that what we know
to be true and valid
seems unreal and ephemeral.
There seems to be little energy left for aught but futility.

This is the great deception.
By it whole peoples have gone down to oblivion
without the will to affirm the great and permanent strength
of the clean and the commonplace. Let us not be deceived.
It is just as important as ever to attend to the little graces
by which the dignity of our lives is maintained and sustained.

Birds still sing;
the stars continue to cast their gentle gleam
over the desolation of the battlefields,
and the heart is still inspired by the kind word
and the gracious deed….

To drink in the beauty that is within reach,
to clothe one’s life with simple deeds of kindness,
to keep alive a sensitiveness to the movement
of the spirit of God in the quietness of the human heart
and in the workings of the human mind—
this is as always the ultimate answer to the great deception.

Howard Thurman was dean of the chapel at Howard University in Washington, DC, 1932-1944, as well as founder of Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples, the first racially integrated church in the U.S. This selection is an excerpt from his book, Meditations of the Heart.

Props to InwardOutward.org

I'm still mad, but I'm happy too

In an entirely different vein, although the same one (paradox alert!) - tonight I met our new curate for the first time.  She (yep) was ordained in Diocese of Dallas on June 6 along with our former intern, also female.

It does happen.  Just not reliably.  For really crummy reasons. 

She has wonderful skills and a great background in pastoral care and counseling.  I'm so excited about having her.  And, she is African-American, which I believe is a first for our parish.

When the possibility of hiring her was brought up initially, and the fact that she was female and African-American were mentioned, someone said, "Well, that shouldn't make any difference!  If she's qualified, those things don't matter at all."

And I said, "I disagree with that.  Those things are VALUE-ADDED.  She will bring new viewpoints and a new face to us.  Those things ROCK!"

So, thanks be to God.  And I am still waiting to hear what God's plan is, because it's awfully murky right now. 

And I can't promise that, as a friend said, there won't be a mob scene down at the Cathedral in the days to come. 

As you were...

Borrowed Post from Cathedral of Hope

I get this daily meditation from one of my new favorite places, The Cathedral of Hope in Dallas.  Today's really speaks to me, and I wanted to share it here and remember it.

"A Word of Hope

Our lives are filled with contradictions.  The sun which grows the crops that feed us can also scorch the earth; the ocean that swells to a raging Tsunami also sustains wondrous sea creatures; the drug designed to heal sometimes kills; a devastating loss becomes the place of transformation. We struggle most with contradictions in our lovers and our leaders. We are drawn by their virtues, their nobility, their passions, their vision, yet their flaws—their very human flaws-- leave us deeply disappointed.  We feel hurt. We feel anger. We want to attack or cut our losses and run. So too with our beloved institutions when they let us down.

In the face of contradictions, we tend toward black/white, either/or reasoning, seeing  winners and losers, saints and sinners, those who are for us and against us. You’re in “my camp” or “his camp;” you’re my friend or hers. But our spiritual teachers show us another way. Living in the midst of contradictions, holding the tension, resisting our tendencies for easy answers lead to far greater learning, far deeper loving.

Every Lent, as we live again the Pascal Mystery, the cross is our foremost symbol. It was  an instrument of torture-- punishment imposed by the powers and principalities against “offenders.” Yet Jesus transformed the cross into a place of forgiveness, a place of ultimate surrender to the God whom he trusted completely. By its very construction the cross embodies contradiction: the vertical is grounded in earth and reaches toward “heaven;” the horizontal stretches out to the world on left and right, east and west. In the meeting of the two axes is the greatest tension, energy, and the greatest possibility of transformation. We take on the cross in our very bodies. If we extend our arms to each side, we can feel the pull of polarities—ideas, desires, values, people, groups. In the center of our chest—the energy core--we mirror both vulnerability and expansiveness: our heart space stretched open, our hands reaching out to the world—both sides. But unless we are anchored in the vertical-- prayerfully discerning the will of God, humbly seeking the path of Christ-- we will have enormous difficulty holding the tension. We are more likely to judge, to hold fast to this one, reject that one, more likely to be broken apart.

If, however, we can come to live in the midst of the complexity and even the pain of contradiction, we may, as Palmer asserts, learn a larger truth than we had dreamed, live lives larger than we had ever imagined. We might, just for a moment, enter the mystery of God.

Prayer
Oh, God, help us to hold the tension in the contradictions of our lives for whatever we need to learn there of wisdom and of love. Amen."
Devotion Author:  Dr. Pat Saxon, Prayer Ministry Volunteer