Terrapin Station

Forever Friends, 30 Years Out

KBW, AMW, KMBD, CH, MBB - October 19, 2013

Facebook is a funny crucible of friends.

If you haven't recently, try scanning through your Friends list. I have found at least a zillion categories of folks there:

• People I am currently friends with In Real Life.
• Family Members and distant family members
• People I used to be friends with in high school, college, grad school
• People I used to be friends with at my churches in Houston, in College Station, in Lewisville.
• People I am friends with at my current church in Keller
• RevGal Friends I have met; RevGal friends I have never met
• People I follow because I found them through others and will likely never meet them.
• Oh my, the list goes on. Including the Bishop of Texas, with whom I went to high school, but who I don't remember because he is younger than me. 
• People who graduated high school with me, many of whom attended our 30th class reunion this summer. I did not.

Try, sometime, to run through your own Friends list and think how you know each person. It's a great exercise in mental agility!

**

This past weekend I went down to the Hill Country again, northwest of Austin. Four women I graduated high school with and I met at a condo overlooking Lake Travis (poor Lake Travis, there is not very much Lake in it right now...) for a weekend of talking. We did other things, including much laughing, but talking was the major thing.

We hiked a little bit, cooked and ate, looked at old yearbooks, shared stories, reminisced about sleepovers and teachers, asked "whatever happened to" and did a lot of catching up on our lives. The last time we did this meetup was 11 years ago, when one of us was pregnant and one was breastfeeding a new infant and could not come.

By the numbers:

• None of us attended the summer reunion, and we all felt fine with that.
• Four of us live in Texas, one out of state.
• We have all been married. 2 are divorced and making happy lives with their kids.
• Two have had children of their own; three have not. As one of the three, I have stepchildren.
• Three have seen both of their parents die. One (me) still has both parents living, and one of us still has a mom.
• We have all been through deaths and dramas and joys and caregiving times, including sharing caregiving with siblings (!!!).
• Three of us still attend church (all of us were raised in churchgoing families). 
• Some of us are liberal and some are conservative, and I am grateful to say that I am not sure, because that is NOT a topic that was brought up.  :)
• All of us have college degrees, several have advanced degrees. Some of us are more satisfied in our current careers than others. Some are not sure what comes next.
• I met one of the girls in 2nd grade and the rest in junior high school. We were in various circles of friends; 4 of us in choir, some of us in some classes together, some of us in most classes together. 
• We were all friends with various sets of other friends outside this circle of five.
• We all know something about each other's siblings, parents, and growing-up, so a basic understanding of one anothers' families of origin.
• Additionally, each of us has 30 years of interpreting and understanding our family dynamics on board, too. 
• Oh, and I just realized: All of our parents stayed married.

This weekend, my friends held up a mirror for me. I looked at myself in the context of who I was, growing up, and how I became the woman I am now. It was healing in a particular way to talk about life changes (yes, including menopause) and "what do you regret not doing in high school" and also to sketch out how we got here, together.

One of us is a school social worker and does not use Facebook much, because, she says, it worries her to see how much trouble kids today can get in via that social medium.

I hope for today's kids that they are building real, lasting friendships. I hope that at the age of 48 they will have a few folks to get back together with and remember, and celebrate, and laugh.

I hope so.

Hail and Farewell, Eric Aadhaar O'Gorman

My branch for Aadhaar, along with my friend the squirriel having his breakfast

Today was the memorial service in Australia for my friend, Eric Aadhaar O'Gorman. 

Here are some instructions he wrote in a blog post before he died, that was put up by a friend after his death: 

If you are attending the funeral, please dress as if you were going out for a lovely lunch or something like that; don't be afraid of colours, or celebration, for it will be a celebration of life as much as a ritual of its passing.  Please bring with you a spray of foliage; a small branch or twig of leaves from a favourite tree or shrub, or any plant that speaks to you along the way; of the right sort of size to act as a fly swisher or a  fan.  This will be used in the ceremony, so hang on to it.

If you wish to attend but cannot and would like to participate in my passing, then maybe consider a small ritual of your own.  Find yourself a suitable little branch of leaves, a beautiful quiet spot with an outlook on something natural, and meditate on the life that runs through you.  The life that runs through your being from crown to footsoles, that courses through your switch of foliage, that extends around the planet and is the very same energy with which you and I are connected.  Meditate on the Oneness of you and I and everything, and if you are moved to do so, bring your memories of me to mind.  Then take your fan of leaves, and swish me away. See my spirit rising up before you as if a wreath of fragrant smoke, and fan my spirit back home.  Guide my spirit upward and outward, fan me away, and let me go.  Dissolve.  When you are done, return your little branch to nature as best you see fit; fire, compost, or just left gently on the earth under some trees.  And say a prayer for yourself.  Perhaps the one below.

And also, have a wonderful day.

Great Spirit, whose voice in the winds I hear,

And whose breath gives life to all the world. Hear me.

Before you I come, one of your many children.

Small and weak am I.

Your strength and wisdom I need.

Make me walk in beauty.

Make me respect all you have made,

My ears to hear your voice.

Make me wise that I may know all you have taught we people,

The lessons you have hidden in every rock.

I seek strength not to be superior to my brother,

Make me able to overcome my greatest enemy, myself.

Make me ready to stand before you with clean and straight eyes.

When life fades, as the fading sunset,

May my spirit stand before you without shame.

(adapted from Chief Yellow Lark of the Lakota, North America).

I just saw the message with funeral details this morning, so I missed participating last night, at the same time as those in Australia, but it doesn't matter. 

This morning I went out into the side yard and cut the small branch you see in the vase.  The bough sprang up when I did, as if it were glad for the release. 

I took it to work with me today, to commemorate my friend.  I took its photo while My Friend the Squirrel was having breakfast.  When I got back home this evening, I went out into the yard with the branch and burned some sage and remembered. 

I am grateful for what I learned from Eric Aadhaar about blenderized diets and courage and humor and facing death. 

Friday Five: It is Well With My Soul

At RGBP, Kathrynzj sets the Friday Five.  She says:  We lead privileged lives.

True, some are more privileged than others but the fact that we are communicating right now via technological devices puts us in the privileged category.

There are many perks in my life for which I give thanks and then there are some that make everything right in the world during the moment I am enjoying them. I'm wondering what a few of those things - five to be specific - are for you.

To help you along here are just three of mine that I will write more about on my blog: drinking coffee out of a real mug, walking into my home after the domestic goddess has been there, participating in the RevGalBlogPals Big Events.

Thanks, friend, for this great start! 

1)  This very morning I got into the shower in my old and historic (but operationally funky) house, and I gave thanks that I have a shower to get into and warm-ish water to wash with...not hot, not today, but warmish...I was feeling so very privileged to have a place of privacy and comfort in which to get clean. 

2)  I have a job and education and skills.  Yesterday I was checking out at the Dollar General and a man came in asking for a job application.  The clerk told him that he'd have to go to the internet.  He said, "But I don't have any internet or computer, I used to play Pong on the Atari, that's all the computer skills I've got!"  She said she was sorry but that all their applications were online.  I interjected that the local library had computers and classes in how to use them and offered to look up information for him (on my Android Evo 4G Smart Phone, a whole separate wonder of technology) but he said, "no thanks" and rode off on his bicycle.  I think it sounded too hard and too complicated. 

3)  Music.  Right now I'm listening to George Winston on Youtube.  Pandora is another absolute favorite.  I have not been singing in church choir and I miss that, but one day I will get back.  In the meantime, music fills a place in my life that nothing else can.  

4)  I have a local library for which I have a consuming love.  I usually go by there on Friday afternoons and return books and pick up new ones.  I also get books on CD to keep me company during long car trips, and can download e-books onto my Sony E-Reader.  The latter is a great way to get new and popular books that are not easy to acquire in hard copy, due to their popularity.  They have children's areas with big cushions where kids can go and lounge to read...oh, that would have been my dream in my childhood library!  But I enjoy watching the kiddos use it now. 

5)  I have family and friends and a church family.  Will I say that all is perfect in every aspect of every relationship?  No.  I think that's part of how relationship works...sticking to it and digging through the icky bits if you can.  Some of my family are too far away...many of my friends are WAY too far away...and even my church and church friends are in another town.  I wish it could be that all the people I love could drop over for coffee, sweetrolls and fruit accompanied by NPR on a Saturday morning.  That I could run by my parents' house and "reboot" the laundry, then stop off later in the day and fold and put it away.  That I could stop in at the church to offer volunteer service.  But, it is what it is.  I am glad and grateful for what I have. 

Friday Five: Friends

If you're ever in a jam, here I am.
If you're ever in a mess, S.O.S.
If you're so happy, you land in jail.I'm your bail.
It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship.
When other friendships are soon forgot, ours will still be hot.

I'm thinking a lot about friends these days, the ones who rush to you in times of trouble, with a casserole or a socket wrench or an invitation for coffee or lunch or a trip to the foot sanctuary. We meet friends in school or on the playground or at church or in the workplace and even on the Internet. Even as blogging has experienced some decline, the community here has been strong.

For today's Friday Five, some questions about friendship.

1) Who is the first friend you remember from childhood?  Corey Guest, who went to the same Methodist pre-school I did, and where my mom worked.  The church/school (Chapelwood Methodist in Houston) was in (what I call) a  "big rich" neighborhood and his house seemed like Xanadu!  :)  We were friends right through kindergarten; then he went to the school in that neighborhood and I went to one in mine.  I called him up one day in first grade...and he was quite uninterested in talking with me...which makes sense, for a first grade boy. 
2) Have you ever received an unexpected gift from a friend?  As a matter of fact, earlier this week my dear friend Valerie turned up in my office with a little plaque for me that says, "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our spirits forget how to fly."  Just because.  How great is that!?
3) Is there an old friend you wish you could find again? Or have you found one via social media or the Internet?  I've written before about my college/grad school roommate who I so wish I could reconnect with.  Periodically I check Facebook for her.  One day, maybe. 
4) Do you like to get your good friends together in a group, or do you prefer your friends one on one?  I prefer one on one.  As a good introvert would.  :)
5) Does the idea of Jesus as a friend resonate with you?  Oh yes.  I remember when I realized God was REALLY real, and I was walking and talking to Jesus and said, "Hey!  I'm so grateful that I know you are there, because now I never have to be alone!"  (I think that's kind of the idea.)

I love that picture, by the way.  It makes me smile because I adore the two people in it, one of whom I know well (thanks to blogging and RevGals) and the other I have never met and know slightly...but who enriches my life with her writing each day. 

 

Heart-stoppingly beautiful