Terrapin Station

Unoffendable

Okay, here's what I'm thinking about in my spiritual life.

Amy reminded me recently that our Enneagram teacher, Suzanne, says that "the healthier we are in our numbers, the more unoffendable we are." 

Surely I've heard Suzanne say it a lot of times, but when I heard it a few weeks ago, I heard it in a new way. 

I am a VERY defensive person. I can get offended very easily if I think I'm being blamed or attacked. Now, sometimes I'm right to be offended, and that's perfectly fine, and it's fine to respond appropriately.

But I'm also finding that it's a very simple way of refusing to even consider the thing I'm offended by. I don't like conflict, and to avoid conflict within myself, I point the finger right back at the other party. (My mother in law used to say that if you point a finger at someone, you usually have three fingers pointing back at yourself. This is never not true, at least not so far.)

Another way this shows up is by getting snarky, or righteously indignant. Oh, my, I can get way down into the weeds when I'm thinking about how bad someone else is! It's a great way to feel better about myself and I can spend a lot of time on this. 

I realize that this is a little bit backwards way to do it. When I am healthy in my number, I will be unoffendable...and/but working toward health in my number, I am thinking hard about why and how I get offended, and trying not to go there. 

I didn't get a "star word" this year, so my self-identified one is "Unoffendable.) 

 

 

 

The next part

Yesterday I saw my counselor. She asked how I was, and I said, "I'm good." "I can tell, she said," your energy is totally different today."

I've been dragging in there. I've been dragging everywhere. I've been getting out of bed, no problem, but having a real problem STAYING out of it. Daily naps, some of which lasted all day and none of which interfered with a full night's sleep. It's been like that. 

This past weekend I had a "first" - went to visit Mom for the first time since Dad died and we had his funeral. It was "the new normal." Instead of being with both of them, it was about her. Instead of staying at his apartment, I stayed at my sister's home (she is out of town right now). (I missed seeing my sister but her lovely home was beautifully peaceful.)

On the way there I had a little pity party when I considered that, not only would Daddy not be there, but his home would not, either; and in a way, I no longer have a home -  the home that my parents have always made for me for my whole life. No matter where they lived, their house was home in a way. I could walk in there and kick off my shoes, and be listened to with an attention that I will find no where else in life. 

(Of course, I have a beautiful and historic house as my home for 18 years now, and a husband I adore. It's not the same thing.) 

(Of course, I have my Mom and her room in the nursing home. My heart is there. But it's also not the same thing.)

How lucky am I to get to be 54 years old before this particular grief comes my way? 

I still feel in some ways that I'm swimming through quicksand. As a 9 on the Enneagram, I get stuck easily and stasis is a very easy spot for me to rest in. So I'm working on some decluttering in a purposeful way, and the more productive doing I accomplish, the better it gets. 

More news at 9. 

 

Pick Three?

A few weeks ago I attended a Chamber of Commerce event for Women in Commerce. One of the speakers reviewed a book by Randi Zuckerberg called Pick Three: You Can Have It All (Just Not Every Day). Zuckerberg is the sister of Mark (Facebook) and developed Facebook Live. 

Zuckerberg suggests that there are five major areas in life, and you can't do all of them every day, but you can pick three per day and over time, you cover everything. 

Here are the five areas: 

• Sleep
• Work
• Friends
• Family
• Fitness

Because I am constantly searching for the magic solution to the chaos of my life (so piquantly sauced by my Enneagram Nine-ness, which allows me to forget half of what's going on) I ran out and got the book from the library. I will admit that I scanned the book; I did not READ it.

I was just astonished at what this system leaves out.

• READING
• Spirituality, prayer
• Time alone
• Time to think inside your own head 
• Etc.

I can see how "playing with grandchildren" counts in Family. I suppose "Spirituality" might be wedged into Fitness. But not really. I'm a pretty solitary person, so the Friends category is smaller for me. 

I suppose the moral of this story is, not everyone's system will work for everyone else. And a super-successful someone from Silicon Valley may indeed have different needs than I do. But I'm curious as to whether I am missing something, and maybe there's a way to make my life fit this rubric? What do you think?