As someone with eating disorders, I've never really comprehended the true contours of my body. It's complicated. But overall, I generally tend to feel that I am super overweight, no matter how true that is, or is not.
So here's the crazy thing.
Yesterday, I took Nash to the local pool. First time there for both of us. She has seen me in a swimsuit many times, because we like to use the hot tub at my house together. So, I got over that "not wanting to be seen in a swimsuit" with her, a long time ago. It is what it is. She needs to see lots of women's bodies, lots of shapes and sizes. (That's how I talked myself into it.)
We walked into that pool and I shed my covering shorts and shirt, and not once did I feel self-conscious, ashamed, etc. I didn't realize it until we'd been there a while. I just hadn't thought about it. When I did...I looked around. There were women there of all shapes and sizes. I was not the largest or the smallest. It was not about me.
We had a BIG time! Playing with a kid in a swimming pool is definitely a workout! She went from being afraid of the little slide - to climbing up it and then climbing back down - to sliding down for me to catch her - and finally declaring, "You don't catch me this time!" and sliding on her own. (She had on a life jacket.)
What a huge step! What a growing up! What a sense of freedom!!
And I feel like I took a big step, too.
Is it just living into my age? Is it that I was entirely focused on her and NOT on me? I don't know. But we're gonna go back to the pool some more!
Wanna come?
