Terrapin Station

Fried Baloney - with thanks to Diana

Learn to recognize and process your anger. For most Nines, anger is very threatening. Yet it is only through anger that you will connect with your inner power—it is the fuel that will burn away your inertia. (Wisdom of the Enneagram, 336)

The first time I met my husband, it was in a local bar called The Sweetwater Grill.  They have amazing squash enchiladas, and serve a mean fried bologna sandwich. You can get it solo or with a bottle of Dom Perignon. :)

But, the point is, I had met him online and arranged to meet there in an early afternoon for a Coke (I had tea, ‘cause that’s how I roll).

We talked a little bit and compared MBTI types, and found we are the same type. Hmmmm….

And then he asked me what was clearly a very important question to him, and one that utterly mystified me: “Tell me about your temper.”

He might as well have said, “Tell me about your dogsled.” I was utterly puzzled and unaffected.

I said, “What? I don’t really have a temper.”

(hahahahahaha)

He said, “Oh, come on, everybody has a temper.”

Me: “No, not really. I just don’t get angry very often.”

(hahahahahaha)

Him: “Okay, so what would happen if we had a big argument and I yelled at you?”

I had a physical reaction to that: serious discomfort.  

I said, “Oh, that’s completely different. If you yelled at me, I would emotionally cut you off immediately, and then I would physically leave your space as soon as I could possibly do so. I can’t stand yelling.”

SHAZAM…

Clearly, he heard something that worked for him in that. Because he said, “Good. I don’t yell. And I don’t like to be yelled at.”

I said, “I don’t yell, either.”

And with that, the deal was sealed.

Okay, not really. But I think that was possibly the most important piece of first information that could have been exchanged between the two of us, and we were engaged within three weeks.

What he was saying was, “I can’t be in a relationship with people who yell and try to hit me (as had happened recently). It makes me too uncomfortable.”

And what I was saying was, “I can’t, either. I won’t yell at you. Furthermore, I won’t even be able to cope with you yelling at anyone else. This will cause me some problems in the future, when your adorable 9-year-old becomes a teenager. Also, I don’t know how to be angry, at you or anyone. I will hurt myself with it, but no one else ever knows.”

And that’s the story of how I was joined in a wonderful marriage that has reached the age of 14.5 years to date. We were two people who found each other and whose past experiences had made us perfect codependent partners.

My Teacher says it’s because we had lessons we needed to learn from one another. Maybe!

What happened next was that, as life and time and teenagerness progressed, as other shocks and sorrows came our way, I knew I needed to be able to manage my paralyzing fear about anger – mine and others’. I started a relationship with the Energy Work teacher mentioned above. For the last however many years, I’ve been doing the work.

And, verily…the inertia is being beaten back. I can say to my husband, “That makes me angry!” and not feel physically sick. I have a sense of agency about my own life.

And, he just called and invited me for an after-work date at Sweetwater.  Life is good.

Fried baloney, anyone?

Needs NO Improvement Friday Five

Martha says at RevGals:

It was a disappointing download. The new iOS 7 update took away the format I loved for the Notes app on my iPhone and iPad. I admit, these are tiny little First World problems. I will nevertheless miss the digital legal pad with the black brown font, in all its simplicity. 

In honor of the dear departed, please name five things in your life that need no improvement. 

If you play at your blog, please leave a link in the comments. No need to hand-code html anymore; simply paste the link! (Hey, that’s a good improvement!)

You may also leave your thoughts in the comments here. 

I’ll get around to read your blogs after I finish crowd-sourcing replacements on Facebook.

The number one thing that needs no improvement is: RAIN. It can be hard, soft, lashing, drippy, and it's still good. (Okay, sometimes the effects of rain, like in a hurricane or a flood, are not great, but that's not due to the rain, that's due to other circumstances.) Today we have rain, for the first time in FOREVER.  So grateful.

 

Walking. Walking is just great. It gets you places, and it is good for exercise. It's good for meditation and for working out anger and fear. It's great for discovering neighborhoods you have never seen before, and really looking at intersting houses and yards. It's a great thing to do with dogs, or with a friends. 

Salad. The great thing about salad is that it can be ANYTHING. So you are not really improving it by adding things to it; it's still salad. I eat salad for lunch almost every day and I love putting new and different things on it. Jicama this week.

Comfortable Shoes. I am wearing tennis shoes today with the Dr. Scholl insoles. They make me feel like Tigger! 

Old Friends. The ones who don't care when you are grumpy and who are glad when you feel better, and who help you get from one to the other. 

 ps: I like my Android. Just sayin'.

 

Extreme Random Friday Five

Karla says at RevGals: oh my, I have really lost track of time! 

but I won’t get into THAT now, because what you really need is an extreme random Friday Five, so here goes it:

1. How are you?  What’s up with you? Thanks for asking! I am doing well. It's been a hard and shocking week, with the death of the husband of a dear friend and colleague. I attended the Rosary and the funeral Mass. Dan was a committed Christian and his family takes comfort in knowing that he is in the company of saints where he looked forward to being. The dividend of something like this is that it brings together people from all over the country who loved Dan and Olga and wanted to share what his life had meant to them. Last night I got to go out to dinner with five special colleagues (who are now mostly former colleagues)

and remember old times, and share book recommendations, and laugh immoderately.

The photo is so blurry because it is the bad one...the one that would normally be discarded...but in the other one, two of us (including me) have demonic white eyes, and I seem to have my tongue over my front teeth, making it look like I am missing those teeth. This was good for much hilarity, but not so much for sharing a photo. Grateful that THIS is the one that was shared on Facebook!!

2.  Last Saturday, I went to the outlet store and stocked up on underwear for the year.  I love a bunch of new fresh underdrawers!  I also love a cabinet full of paper towels.   What silly thing makes you happy? An ample supply of toilet paper. Drives me CRAZY to be low on it. 

3.  Give a shout out to someone you love, appreciate, or want to thank! I appreciate my friend Valerie, who has been stalwart all the years I have known her, but especially lately, as I am alternately excited and scared about things.

4. Miss Kansas has the Serenity Prayer tattooed on the side of her body.  I sadly do not have a tattoo, and maybe you do, but if you were going to get a prayer tattooed on the side of your body, what would it be?  I don't have a tattoo, and will not get a permanent one (airbrush ones, different story). But if I were going to get one, it would say, "Listen." A prayer, a call to prayer, a way of prayer. 

5.  Use some or all or a form of the following words in a sentence:   jello, kittens, mercy, dump-truck, tabuleh, terror, skipping, monkey, Rev. , health, and snoring. 

I live in terror that tabuleh will be found bad for my health and jello, good.

I am off to interview for a dog-walking job. When I am back, I will look forward to reading your randomness!

Happy Dog walking!!

Love ya!

Getting my pencils sharpened...to start Education for Ministry

No, I'm not going to seminary. I'm getting ready to start Education for Ministry.

And, what's the difference?

The difference is that all of us are called to ministry. Some are called to ordained ministries; in my tradition, these are deacon, priest, and bishop. But every single layperson is also called to ministry, whether it's teaching Sunday school, serving at the altar, or (outside the church walls) living as a Christian in a way that causes others to seek us out because they see the light of Christ in us. Talking to a lonely person in the grocery store checkout line. Volunteering in our communities. Being on the board of RevGalBlogPals.

I firmly believe that everything we do is ministry to some degree, and that the degree largely counts on the intention we put into it. For many years I've worked in university administration, which doesn't sound like ministry, except that the care and concern I bring to the people  I work with and serve makes it so. It's the way I make a difference in the world.

"The Education for Ministry program was designed in 1975 by the University of the South, Sewannee,  to equip laypersons for their ministries in the church and the world." So, there, that sounds just right! Here is more detail on the study undertaken. And here's an article in my parish blog with some videos.

EFM is a four-year program, to which we commit one year at a time. Groups of six to twelve participants prepare in advance through reading and prayer and meet weekly to share prayer, study and theological reflection.  I have wanted to do this for many years, but it has not been offered in a place where I lived until now.

The mentor for our group will be the initmitable Rev. Judy Upham, a RevGal, and I'm delighted about that. I've been hungry for an opportunity to study and reflect with a committed group. We are set to start on September 25. Please keep me and my group in your prayers as we start the journey.

The Ambitous Madame Bonaparte

I have a friend of the online variety (not that this makes her any less a friend, it just means that we have never met F2F - yet).

Ruth Hull Chatlien has written a book about Betsy Bonaparte that I am most eager to read, having "watched" her work on it via Facebook for the last several months.

The book is titled The Ambitious Madame Bonaparte and it's scheduled to come out in December 2013. Ruth has a Facebook author page for it as well as a website.

I'm very excited about reading it, and about my friend's success. Huzzah!!

 

Friday Five: Food

The Friday Five by 3dogmom at Revgals!

She says: My first ever Friday Five is dedicated to Nikki MacDonald, sister RevGal, who was hungering for an opportunity to write about Haggis. With that introduction, today’s FF is all about food!

1) Is there a food from a foreign land whose reputation led to trepidation when you had a chance to give it a try? Did you find the courage to sample it anyway? If so, were you pleasantly surprised or did you endorse the less than favorable reputation that preceded it? I would say haggis. I was delightfully surprised: I enjoyed it very much. It was at a restaurant in Edinburgh, and my hostess, while she declined the haggis herself, declared that it was her duty to take me to a place where I could get GOOD haggis. :) Nikki & 3dogmom, thanks for the opportunity to remember it.

2) What food from your own country/culture gets a bad rap? Huh. I honestly can't think of one. I guess our (Mexican) version of haggis, which is menudo, a soup made from beef tripe. I don't eat it, myself, but it's a standard at real Mexican restaurants (i.e., NOT Tex-Mex places). They often will make it only on Sundays, or only on weekends.  It's a special treat. I've had it, and it's good, but I just can't get past ... what it is. Silly, but there you go.

3) Of what food are you fond that others find distasteful? I crave sour and pungent things: vinegary things, curries. Often I'll add vinaigrette or vinegar to a side dish to get it to the flavor I like. And I was raised to eat vinegar on greens...a legacy from my English great-grandparents. In ayurvedic medicine, there are specific "tastes" of food and these are two of the major ones. Of course, ayurveda teaches that all six tastes should be eaten together, which I don't always achieve.

4) Is there a country’s food, not native to you, that you go out of your way to eat? Indian food! My first trip to the UK was a revelation, and when I go there it's really all I want to have. :) Traveling companions don't always agree.

5) What is your guilty pleasure food? Tortilla chips and good salsa. I lived on it in college...

Bonus: What was your most memorable meal (good or bad), either because of the menu, the occasion, the company, or some other circumstance that makes it stand out?  My first Indian meal was in the basement dining room of a London restaurant in the summer of 1988, while I was on study abroad. The company was lovely, the food discoveries felt like I was coming home, and (to top it all off) my Jr. High school art teacher showed up.