Jesus Appears on the Road to Emmaus
The Fourth Week reminds us that death, despair, violence, and sadness will not have the last word: joy does. Walking with the risen Lord, we appreciate how Easter is happening all the time, with joy surprising us everywhere.
The Grace I Seek
“I ask for what I desire. Here it will be to ask for the grace to be glad and to rejoice intensely because of the great glory and joy of Christ our Lord” (SE 221).
Read
Read Luke 24:13–35 (Jesus appears to the disciples on the way to Emmaus).
Notice how Jesus’ disciples do not recognize him at first. Notice too how Jesus just walks and listens to the disciples in their sadness and confusion. How has Jesus walked with you these weeks? How do the disciples—and how do you—recognize the risen Christ? How have you experienced your heart burning these weeks? What desires are stirring in your heart now?
Each morning in Lent I started my day (before ANYTHING else on the computer) with a read of the day's Ignatian Spirituality Adventure prompt, some quiet time with it, and setting it into a draft blog post. Then I'd close the post and usually not return to it until evening. All day long, the prompt would marinate in my mind.
Somehow, that little bit of attention to God's message and the part of it that was care for myself translated into a wonder and awareness of God's goodness in many other ways. It's been a glorious Spring here, the longest and sweetest one I can recall. We're having overnight lows in the 50's regularly...which gives us a midday high of 71-75. Sometimes by this time in April, it is much much hotter, in the 90's or 100's. The flowers are cooperating and staying around; the roses are more beautiful and abundant than I've ever seen. It's a lot like England in the summer, this particular Spring in North Texas.
Anyway. When Easter Sunday had come, I didn't continue with the Ignatian prompts. I knew they were scheduled to go on for another full week, but I just stopped because, Lent was over. And I was busy. And my aunt died & I had a funeral to go to. Well, that seems to have been a mistake.
Life after cancer treatment is like an onion, and we keep peeling away layers to find new ones...sometimes better and sometimes worse.
Of course "Consumer Sentiment" has nothing to do with anything here, but the graph line is similar to how it seems to go. He gets a little better and then worse, lather rinse repeat. The trend is upward, but it's SO SLOW. It's very discouraging. He didn't really feel well enough to be on the road or at the funeral, and I greatly appreciate the fact that he went, but it was discouraging.
My response to this seems to be to forget my own self-care in order to try to be there for him at every possible moment in case he needs anything. I don't think this is any good for him and it has certainly got ME tied up in knots. (Codependent much?)
Three different people have walked with me and listened to me in the last few days. They have each been Jesus to me, hearing my pain and confusion and reflecting back so I could see more clearly. The latest one said, "I wish you would stop saying such mean things about yourself." I wonder if she can imagine what a gift it is to have a friend who can be trusted to hear, out loud, the mean things that are in my head?
I ask for the grace to rejoice in the beauty around me; the healing that is occuring; my own ability to care for myself as well as others. "put on your own oxygen mask first."
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