Terrapin Station

Turning the corner

This is the week when Ken turned the corner.

(A pause while you all jump up and down madly at home).

So, just for the record, he had:

2 full months of treatments (daily radiation and weekly chemo with a small break to be in the hospital, yuck) June 20 to August 22.

then he had:

2 months of feeling horrible and worse, from August 23 to October 16.

And then Monday of this past week the visiting nurse said, "what do you want to do?" and he said, "Ride the Rocket."

So they went outside and he rode up and down our street while she watched. We're gonna bronze that nurse.

Every day this week he has gotten better. Yesterday he drove to Aubrey with friends and picked up the motorcycle in the shop and rode it home. No, he probably wasn't ready for it, but he did it. And later in the day he rode to Krum to an auto show at the Sonic. (Could I make this up?) It was the first time he's gone anywhere (besides to doctor appointments) without me since this started. And that was good.

And this morning he reported "the best night so far" and "I feel good." I am definitely hesitant to report this because he has often felt really bad after feeling good. 2 good days in a row seems like impossible fortune.

I am still blenderizing his food and he is more than ready to start eating again, but swallowing therapy is needed first. Seems strange to have to learn to swallow again, when we were most of us born knowing instinctively how to do it. But radiation causes physiological changes, as does lack of use.

We've run into some challenges with the feeding tube for the first time this weekend (that's right, just when everything else is going so well). Nothing I can't fix. We'd both like to be done with this part. But that's ok. I still heart my VitaMix and figuring out how to do it best or right or somehow.

Last night we watched The Green Lantern on PPV. Good movie, clearly made from a comic strip. I decided that anything that Sheldon Cooper likes enough to wear on his shirt so often was worth a look.

Thanks for sticking with us. We're going to make it!!!

A Little Nutty

As in, I had one today.

The truth is out, folks: I think I am in charge, and when shown otherwise, I do not respond well.

We went in for Ken's PET scan this morning, but first I had to go to a rush meeting at work, ugh. Then, when they called him back, I was told I couldn't go with him, because the mobile unit didn't have room for me.

The last (only other) time he had one, it was in a different place. I was allowed to go back with him and sit during the injection (the part he really, really hates) and then while he sat quietly and still for 45 minutes while the radioactive glucose solution* went through his body. And then they even let me go into the room where the scanner machine was and watch his legs go forward and back as his body went back & forth in the scanner.

Today, I got up to go back when he was called and the woman said, "He'll be about 2 hours." As in, go away. I said, "Can't I go with him?" She said, no, there was no place in the mobile unit for me.

And I said, "That makes me deeply unhappy. Last time, I got to go with him." People who don't know me, don't know that my saying those words is about the same as someone else screaming the place down. She explained that in the other place, there might have been room but in this place there was not. Ken said, "I'll be fine."

Yeah, I knew he would be fine. He's not happy about injections but he can deal.

But I was NOT fine. I sat down in the waiting room and wrote a profane and angry e-mail message to a few friends, and then I left because I didn't want to cry in the waiting room. I went to Sonic for a coffee and then to a park around the corner and "had a good cry" which is usually a good thing when I am very angry.

I thought I knew how it was going to go, see, and it didn't go that way. And that was NOT okay. Oh, eventually I was fine. But it didn't take much to strip away the fiction that I am "resting in God," which I heard someone say in Sunday school this week and which has been a fine little mantra for me ever since. (Or maybe "resting" can involve having a screaming hissy fit? No? Oh well.)

A friend from work who has been having radiation treatments there for a different type of cancer came and sat with me for a while when I went back to the waiting room. She is unfailingly positive and was excited about today marking her last radiation treatment. It was a really good thing to be with her for that time.

...

Several weeks ago my counselor listened to me tell all that was going on and how I was keeping all the balls in the air, and she said, "You're doing really, really well. I'm thinking that at some point when things start to slow down for you, you may start to lose it...and we just want to be prepared for that." Uh huh. So, after all that today, I was too late to make it to my next meeting at work and had a blazing headache besides. I went home and went to bed for the rest of the afternoon.

I'm quite confident that Ken's scan will show no cancer. But the process of finding that out...is brutal. Along with everything he's gone through.

All for now. Thanks for listening.

ps: radioactive glucose solution* - you know why they use this? Because cancer EATS sugar. Cancer LOOOOOVES sugar. So in the PET scanner, the places that light up are the places where the sugar has gone...where the cancer is. Nom, nom, nom. Of course, the oncology center is all decorated for Halloween, with ... candy everywhere. I'm furious about this. Along with most other things about the modern cancer treatment industry. But that's another rant, for another day.

More from the Denton Record Chronicle

Well, they're Occupying on the UNT Campus:

and, referring to my recent post on the Police Blotter, one of our two local Presidential candidates is apparently out of the running:

Jeffrey Barea, one of two Denton County men mounting a bid for president, was arrested over the weekend.

Jeffrey Barea

Barea, 44, is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and is being held in Denton County Jail.

According to a Denton police report, Barea, who was in an argument with a man, sprayed charcoal lighter fluid on the man’s right side, covering his shirt and arm. Barea also is accused of striking a match and throwing it toward the victim.

A witness confirmed to police the events that took place, the report states, as well as noting his own threat from the man. Barea was arrested without incident at his West Prairie Street apartment.

His bail was set at $50,000.

Barea is among about 250 people who have filed with the Federal Elections Commission indicating they are running for president. He is running as a Republican.

“Clearly he does not represent Republican values,” said Dianne Edmondson, chairwoman of the Denton County Republican Party. “My thought is they ought to keep him in jail until he can be tried and convicted.”

Edmondson, who previously questioned the resolve and reasoning behind Barea trying to inject himself into the presidential race, said the man has nothing to do with any real Republican Party.

“I guess he knows to get elected, he needs to align with the Republican Party. [He] certainly does not reflect our values or temperament.”

Edmondson also stated that Barea was not legally a real Republican because he did not vote in the last GOP primary.

BJ LEWIS can be reached at 940-566-6875. His e-mail address is [email protected] .

(Denton Record-Chronicle, October 19, 2011.  Page 1A)

I love Safe Passage!

Do you know Safe Passage?

If not, please visit the site linked above and learn about them.  It's a wonderful organization founded by a young woman named Hanley Denning, who went to Guatemala in 1997  to learn Spanish and had her life changed.  She saw young children at work with their parents in the Guatemala City garbage dump, scavenging food and items to sell in order to survive - and she founded Safe Passage in order to help some of those children go to school.  The program has grown tremendously and I'm thrilled to sponsor a wonderful girl there, K, for the last 4 years.   Back in late August, when things were looking bad and sad here, I got the following letter and photos, and they MADE MY DAY.  My month, my year!  Check it out:

Dear Mary Beth,

It is our pleasure to inform you that your sponsor child, K, recently took part in her Quinceañera.  This rite of passage in Latin culture traditionally marks a girl’s 15^th birthday with a celebration of her transition from childhood to womanhood.  21 Safe Passage girls celebrated their fifteenth birthdays in 2011 and we celebrated them in a joint party on July 31^st. 

For two months leading up to the event, the girls attended various workshops touching on themes such as:  self esteem, pregnancy prevention, body changes, being a professional woman, and emotional intelligence.  The sports program also organized a Latin dance workshop each Saturday leading up to the party to give the girls time to bond and become more confident in their dance skills for the big day.

For more information you can read blog posts about the event and preparations at http://safepassage.org/blog/2011/08/02/big-day

Attached to this email is a photo of your sponsor child on this special day as well as a photo of the full group of quinceañeras.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here she is:  So beautiful! 

K is 5th from left in front

I love that the organization is small enough to send sponsors these personal types of messages.    I love what they do.  I dream of going to Guatemala one day to volunteer in the program.  (Better brush up on my Spanish though...)

 

 

My Mortal Emenies

Yes, I meant to spell it like that.  It alludes to something, but I can't remember what.  "Yr. emeny."  maybe from Up The Down Staircase? 

So, in this week's Big Bang Theory, Sheldon referred to Wil Wheaton being his mortal enemy, and saying that he had a list of mortal enemies with 61 people on it.  As a nice INFP Christian, I would not readily admit that I think of anyone as an enemy, but the more I think of it the more I think of more people.  They are folks that I have something against, that I am letting "live rent-free in my head." 

I am too prudent or too chicken to put the full list online.  I'd like to think prudent is the word.  Some of them, if you know me well, you already know or can guess who some of them are.  It really doesn't matter.  But this morning I sat with Ken, who continues to be miserable.  He was in treatment for 2 months, he has been out for 2 months, he is wretched and improvement is so incremental that it's exceptionally difficult to recognize.  Certainly worse than he was before, because the cancer wasn't bothering him AT ALL. 

Very depressing.  Enemies?  I thought of these:

1. Cancer
2. Cancer TREATMENT that makes you so much sicker than you ever were
3. Doctors and other medical professionals who do not evince care
4. Doctors who did not tell us the severity and duration of treatment effects

and then, thinking of the particular doctor who is number ONE on my Emenies list, it occurred to me that I could totallly understand how someone could "go postal" and confront The Emeny with a gun or other means of making their anger and despair CLEARLY KNOWN. 

And then I burst into tears.  Obviously, just what I needed at the time. 

Note that I have no plans to go anywhere with a gun.  But I wasn't understanding just how angry I am.  A line that my friend Songbird has quoted from good old Jonah comes to mind... "Angry enough to die." 

I am not normally this forthcoming in blog posts, because my mother reads my blog and takes her role as Professional Worrier very seriously.  However, she is currently in the hospital (therefore away from computer and worry), having had spine surgery on Thursday (expected) and a seizure on Friday (unexpected, though she has a history of seizures).  I am hanging fire here, waiting to hear from my younger sister about the current situation; as Ken says, no news is probably good news. 

I guess. 

I/we are okay and will be okay.  Not least because I know some of you will read this and comment, or not, but at least will lift us up in prayer, or intent, or good thoughts.  For that I thank you.  Some days when I feel down, I feel what I call the Great Cloud of Witnesses (and you are in it, and you and you and you!) bearing me up.  I am grateful for that. 

Oh, and I really am still counting my blessings every morning.  Chief among them is that I am well and have no cancer treatments in my immediate future.  Thanks be to God. 

Friday Five: Scattered

Thanks to friend RevKjarla for posting this Friday Five at RevGals. 

So, I don't know about you, but I have had quite the scattered week.  Sometimes, life is that way, right?
 
In the spirit of Scattered-ness, I offer you a scattery kind of Friday Five:
 

1.  I lose my keys all of the time.  Even if they are in my hand, I still am looking for them.  Sigh! 
What is something you chronically looking for, if anything?

My car key, which is simply a fob with a car key that comes out like a switchblade and has one key attached to it.  Something like this, except really, it's just the one key attached.  So, small and easy to lose.  

The car came with two.  We have lost one.  This is not good!  If the one we currently have gets lost, we are SOL because they have to be obtained from the dealership for hundreds of dollars.  Sigh. 

And, I lost my glasses about 6 months ago.  Never to be seen again, apparently.  And found my spare ones in the driveway, someone having run over them.  I have a new prescription, just have to get to the Eyemasters to choose frames/get it filled.  Oh, and pay for it.  In the meantime:  squinting. 

2.  What movie are you looking forward to watching sometime in the future?  

Bridesmaids, which has been recommended as a laugh-fest.  Because although I do not like weddings or the insanity that surrounds them, I'm ready to laugh. 

3.  What is one of your favorite comfort foods?  

Carbs of any sort.  Unfortunately.  But I'm working on getting protein in there as an also-ran.  Little Babybel cheeses, that sort of thing. 

4.  Story time.  Tell us a story of one your favorite people that has touched, blessed your life.

My sister Nancy has the gift of administration.  She just does.  Earlier this year I came up with the Big Idea of a Big Birthday Party for my parents (86 and 80 years old).  I told all the family we were doing it, and then when Ken got sick, I just dropped the ball.  I couldn't think of it. (And as an INFP, I tend not to finish what I start in the best of circumstances...)  Enter Nancy, who picked up the ball and made an amazing shot from mid-court!  She created a great memory scrapbook, put together wonderful food, gorgeous decorations, and a glorious event that was really special and wonderful.  An added bonus was that all I had to do was show up and enjoy.  Thank you, sis.

5.  What do you do to focus or calm or center yourself?  

Sit or lie down and breathe, feeling the breath move through my body and acknowledging any spots of pain, tension, or other concern. 

• Walk.
• Go outside and watch birds and squirrels. 

BONUS:  Share the first thing (or second thing) that comes to your mind after your read this!

First thing:  I want to go outside and talk to some squirrels! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Second thing:  I want to go to this awesome Halloween event that's happening in my town!  I am not a fan of scary things, but it's not that at all.  I have friend who is dancing in it.  It sounds FUN.

  

Listen to the Mockingbird

This morning I had meaningful conversation with 2 squirrels in my front yard.  I told them I had squirrel syringes; they retracted their heads and did not return.

When I reached campus, the mockingbirds were singing. 

 

The Texas state bird, by the way.

Ah, the Police Blotter

The Denton Record-Chronicle is my hometown paper.  I subscribe to it because I always subscribe to my local paper.  Because, that's what I do.  I am probably the only person my age that I know who does that.  Oh well. 

One of Ken's and my favorite features is the Police Blotter.  Donna Fielder, the courts reporter and a Sunday columnist, writes it with a wonderfully wry tone.  Here's a recent favorite...no, two...both from the same day. 

Blotter: Dogs confront each other, followed by their owners

08:09 AM CDT on Tuesday, October 4, 2011

An altercation between two canines at a dog park led to an assault of one owner by the other, a man reported Saturday.

The victim said he took his two dogs to the park in the 1700 block of Davisville Drive in the Providence area Friday. A woman was in the park with her husky dog, he said. As soon as one of his dogs entered the gate, the husky attacked it, and he grabbed the husky and threw it off his dog.

He said that angered the woman, and she hit him in the face with a bag of dog feces.

The woman argued that the attack was really the man’s fault. She said her husky is aggressive, and everyone knows that. She said the victim should have given her time to get the aggressive dog on a leash before he opened the gate.

She denied hitting him in the face with the bag of dog feces. She only waved it very close to his face, she said.

 Other reports

2300 block of West Prairie Street — A man reported Saturday that he rents a two-bedroom apartment so that he can use the second bedroom for his office in his presidential campaign.

He opened a file where he keeps documents for his exploratory committee findings and discovered that someone had taken a number of bank-issued temporary checks for his campaign, he said.

I love living here.  I love the Denton newspaper.