I have written here before about my journey through some childhood traumas and the body work I am doing to address it. It seems that my body has been holding on to old things physically - things that I know, emotionally, are over and okay.
I have had much success in the therapy I am doing....now I can almost always stay physically and emotionally present for confrontations (though I would rather not) and I am learning to be much more courageous in many situations. And I don't feel totally dissociated afterward.
Did you know that Songbird is sort of the godmother of this journey of mine? (T-shirt says, "My Godmother Loves Me")
I posted to my blog about a particularly bad episode I'd had and said, (basically) "help, help, horrible heffalumps!" and she commented back with some suggestions that led me (very indirectly) to the therapist I'm now working with. Never think that your presence in the lives of your blogiverse is not important!
So, last night I had a dream in which there was a big fuss and confrontation. It turns out that my awake self has the strategies to deal with this, but my asleep self does not...yet?
Therefore, today has been a zombie day. I have been staring straight in front of me through exercise class, gardening, hot tub, the Friday Five, a nap, cooking dinner for a member of our church. It feels like a hangover. I hope it is gone soon.
Just thought I'd write about it. Somehow it makes it more real and therefore something I can hopefully get past. So that my dreams can be safe again.
Painting by Bibi
