Terrapin Station

Chicken Soup for the World

Here are some random Monday thoughts:

• During yesterday's Sunday school class (When Bad Things Happen to Good People), Fr. Doug said that he used to work with a guy (in a wine store-before seminary!) who said that he could certainly believe in the devil, but not in God.  Because if there was really a God, God should DO SOMETHING!  The guy said, "If God were to, say, fill up the Indian Ocean with chicken noodle soup, so that all those starving people could be fed...THEN I would believe in God."  Fr. Doug responded:  "We already have the soup.  It's here.  WE HAVE IT.  We need to get it to those people."  It was one of those moments where I felt whopped upside the head with the TRUTH of it.  Millenium Development Goals, anyone?
• I'm leading the program at a Daughters of the King retreat this weekend.  Our theme is, "If Only I Had More Time!"  If we figure out a way to get more I'll let you know. 
• Tonight's the first of our Lenten Speaker Series:  "They'll Know We are Christians By Our Love."  Different ministries are providing dinner before the speakers each week.  The prepared dinners are wonderful, but you know what I miss?  Potluck suppers! 
• Have I already shared with you about our Virtual Stations of the Cross?  Please visit them if you like. 
• In addition to adding daily Morning Prayer - I have given up peanut butter for Lent.  I can't seem to eat just a little bit of it (as in, a normal amount!), and too much of has got too much fat and so it makes me sick - and then fat!  But you know what, I forgot the other night until the first bite of sandwich was in my mouth.  WHOOPS!  So now the peanut butter jar in the fridge (it's delicious natural peanut butter, so it has to stay in the fridge to keep the oil from separating) has a note on it that says, "LENT" in big purple letters, to remind me.  Ken said, "Is there LINT in the peanut butter?"  He thought it was very funny when I explained. 
• 

Happy Monday to all!

Lent I

We started a new Sunday School class today.  We are reading and discussing Rabbi Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People.  It's being led by our interim priest, Fr. Doug (Fr. David is on an extended leave of absence). 

Fr. Doug is truly a gifted preacher and teacher.  We are so fortunate to have him.  His wife is our wonderful organist, and their 13 year old son is my knitting student. 

Last Sunday, I had a lot of unbelief.  As in, during the service my mind kept saying, "oh, come on, now.  Really!  How can you really believe that!?"  I found it very unsettling, as this hasn't happened in many years, and not while IN CHURCH.  So I prayed, "Lord, help me to believe.  Help my unbelief.  I believe.  Really, I do!" 

'Course, it was the Transfiguration, right...pretty weird stuff...

This Sunday it was a relief not to have the little conversation going on in my head.  I believed last week, I believed this week, and I still do. 

I do.

Friday Five - Companions On The Way

Dante had Virgil as a guide. Before he had younger siblings, my oldest child had an imaginary friend named Patrick. Betsy had Tacy. Laura Ingalls depended on her brindle bulldog, Jack. All of them were companions on the way.

As we take the beginning steps of our journey through Lent, who would we take as a companion? Name five people, real or imaginary, you might like to have with you as guide or guardian or simply good friend.

1) I am reading daily Morning Prayer during Lent, and I'd love to have someone to do it with.  I wish Cathy of CathyKnits lived closer...for many reasons! and then we could do it together.  The local Canterbury association (Episcopal student org.) has just started weekly morning prayer in our campus chapel on Wednesdays, so I do have company on that one day. 

2) Another good person to have close would be my Mom, who is one of my very best friends and spiritual companions.  (And then I could keep an eye on her and make her do my evil will!  Like go to the hospital when I think she needs to - Mwa ha ha!) 

3) Rachel of The Big Dunk, because she gave me a WHOLE NEW LOOK at Lent this year.  She LOVES Lent.  And I think I do, too, now.  Hey, Rachel - do you love Holy Week?  Man, Holy Week is so hard.

4) My two little Maltese dogs, Josie and Boudreaux, who sit with me in the morning when I read the Daily Office.  I try to be still and read it all aloud, and they look at me so expectantly as I do.  ("Cool!  Is she talking to US!?")  They get so excited! Particularly when I sing the Jubilate and the Lord's Prayer, and when I pray for them by name...

5) You know...I'd really like to have Jesus come along.  I know Jesus can't come with everyone!  but of course he can, and does, in a way.  I have this wonderful Good Shepherd wooden image/icon and I have it in my prayer space.  It makes me feel as if Jesus is right there with me.  I can remember when my faith became REAL to me in a new way once, and I said to Jesus, "Now I always have someone to talk to...I never have to be alone again!"

And all of you who read this. 

Mama Update

So, you are wondering about my mother who went to the hospital yesterday with chest pains?  At my insistence? 

Guess what: it was NOTHING. Not heart attack, not pneumonia, not pancreatitis, not bladder infection, none of the things they thought it was. So I imagine that she and Dad are even LESS likely than before to go to the hospital next time that happens.

And get this:  Here is what Mom said to me on the phone this morning..."That waiting room was so full of sick people...." and I thought she was going to finish with, "I hated to sit there and maybe get what they had."

Instead she finished with, "I hated to be there taking up the space."

Can you hear me screaming from there? 

I am working VERY HARD and very intentionally in my life to value and treat myself better than she taught us by her example.  I love and admire my mother so much, but it drives me crazy that she is this way.  My sister Nancy is just the same, maybe worse.  Overachiever of the century.

I am certainly not perfect and I have a great tendency to get in over my head, put others first, play the martyr...but I am trying to stay very aware of it and pace myself.

My brother in law is just as frustrated with sister Nancy.  When I called her yesterday to mention that Mom was in the ER, Nancy was in the urgent care clinic with terrible strep throat!  This after a week in bed with pneumonia...I emailed Scooter (BIL) this morning to ask how Nancy was and he said this: 

"...breathing and at school. I have given up on trying to get her to take care of herself. So she is doing better but nowhere near where she needs."

My mom reads this blog and so I especially want to say that I am not trying to disrespect or embarrass her.  I just want better for her than this...and for Nancy...and for all of us women who seem to believe the lie that we should be able to do EVERYTHING, and do it well. 

In the 12-step programs, they teach you to "stop shoulding on yourself." 

I want to be gentle with myself.  And I want you to be gentle with yourself, too.

This photo makes me feel very calm....take a minute to look & breathe.

Fat Tuesday

Today is Shrove Tuesday, also known as Fat Tuesday.  Short version:  It's yer chance to party before Lent! 

"Hey, Mister, throw me somethin'!"

This means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which you probably were already aware of, BUT - did you know that Monday (yesterday) was Collop Monday?  Well, I didn't!  Go read more about it at Wikipedia.

Traditionally, on Shrove Tuesday, people made pancakes to use up their eggs, milk, sugar and flour...so that the house would be cleansed of rich foods during the Lenten season.  Nowadays, we tend to have Shrove Tuesday pancake suppers at churches, with proceeds going to mission trips or other projects. 

Here's a nice picture of President Eisenhower making pancakes...I don't know whether he was making them for Shrove Tuesday or not! 

The word "Shrove" is actually the past tense of "shrive," which means to be cleansed by confession.   "I have been shriven, he has been shriven, they have been shriven."   It sounds wrinkly, doesn't it? 

My current parish home is far more Anglican / high church than what I grew up with, and auricular confession is offered on this day.  I plan to go in preparation for Lent - I have only ever made confession to a priest one other time. 

After that, the pancake supper.  Scheduling seems off somehow.

How do you feel after....?

My blogfriend Linda (FM) wrote this about joining her new church - why she did it and what it's like: 

Finally, I go back every week and sometimes even on Wednesday, because every time I've been there, I've left feeling glad to be alive.  And really...do I need to say more than that?

You can read more about Linda's church here...  great stuff.  I'm so glad she's found this right-for-her place.

It made me think, though, about some of the things that I do/places that I go that don't necessarily engender such a glad feeling in me.  Some things that, actually, when I finish or leave from them, I feel aggravated, exhausted, used, angry...I can think of: 

• One women's club I belong to
• One thing I do at church
• Some things I do at work
• Several things I do at home
• Some family / relationship issues

As part of my Lenten self-examination, I am going to sit down and do some serious looking at these items: whether what they do for me is worth what they are doing to me?  and if not, then what I need to do to put an end to them.  For instance, inactivating the women's club membership.  I never make the meetings, and if I do it's stressful to get there and back to work in time.  Rather than just never showing up...I need to take care of it. 

GET THIS:  The Lightning Bolt from Linda came to me about five minutes after the following experience: 

My mom called and told me all these stories about her crazy weekend and all the thousand things she is involved in and people who are depending on her, and how the maid isn't dependable and talks too much, and my sister and her husband (who use the same maid) are going to fire her (the maid!) because of it.  Mom seems very involved in counseling this maid what to do. 

As we talked about all the things Mom is doing, it seems to me that some of the jobs she wants to do and some of them she doesn't but doesn't feel like she can say no (or if she does, she feels guilty). 

Then, after about 30 minutes of the conversation, Mom casually mentioned that she has been having chest pains today and all day yesterday...down her arm, in her chest, etc.  I begged her to call the doctor.  She demurred, saying, "I don't think I can reach them this late today..."

I said, "Mom, it's 3:00, please call them and then call me back."

5 minutes later she calls me back and says that the doctor wants her to go to the ER IMMEDATELY to get checked out.  So she's there now. 

My mother in law always used to say, if you point a finger of blame at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself.  Is it clear to all readers where I learned the behaviour I do not like in myself?  and that there's no point in feeling cross with Mom about it?

God, help me to be good to myself and patient with myself, and loving and patient with Mom, too. 

EDITED TO UPDATE:  Mom called to say that she hadn't had a heart attack and didn't have pneumonia...they were running tests to see if it might be pancreatitis or a bladder infection (why would a bladder infection hurt your arm?) and she was to go home shortly. 

ps:  May I just say that I feel SOOO tired and hot and ragged...it's like that Emerald Nuts commercial about Robert Goulet.  I'm not techno enough to know how to paste the movie in here but you know how to click, go watch it if you haven't already:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY0PFhHVC94

Friday Five - Tourist Edition

reverendmother here... It seems like this topic has been done before, but I can't find it in the archives, so......

I am downtown on retreat this week. Most of the retreatants are from out of town, so I get to experience this place through the eyes of visitors. So in the spirit of tourism:

1. What is one place you make sure to take out-of-town guests when they visit? (you can be vague to preserve your anonymity if you like)  To the Traildust Steakhouse in North Dallas.  It has live music every night, a big dance floor, and a slide from the second floor to the first.  Great for folks with kids!  It's also LeAnn Rimes' favorite restaurant (so she says). 

2. When visiting another city or town, do you try to cram as much in as possible, or take it slow and easy?  Slow and easy fo sho!

3. When traveling, where are we most likely to find you: strolling through a museum, checking out the local shopping, or ?  I like to walk in neighborhoods if possible - to see what people's homes like and how they have their yards planted. 

4. Do you like organized tours and/or carefully planned itineraries, or would you rather strike out and just see what happens?  Independence!  I have travelled solo a lot and prefer the unknown. 

5. After an extended trip, what do you find yourself craving most about home?  My own bed.  :)

Love You, and You, and You!

Happy Valentine's Day!  Tweety Bird and I just WUV everyone who reads this blog...as far as I know.  And if you are just happening upon me for the first time today, well, consider yourself WUV-ED, too. 

I started the day with Morning Prayer at the University's chapel.  Lovely.  Canterbury Association (Episcopal college fellowship) was a big part of my college life, and I've recently made contact with the folks who are reviving Canterbury for our city's two universities.  There were 2 students, 2 staff, and one priest there this morning. 

Ken got hand-dipped chocolate strawberries from Candy Haven for his Valentine.  Mmmmm!  I got him to accompany me to the SweatHeart class at Jazzercise on Saturday!  It was hilarious - the instructors' husbands led a lot of the routines and lots of other spouse/partner folks were there.  Ken did not particularly enjoy it, but every time I think of him being there with me I get the biggest smile on my face!  I have told him repeatedly that there is NOTHING more I want from him. 

We are, however, going for a nice seafood dinner on the way to choir rehearsal tonight. 

In Mindy's Valentine Swap, I received WONDERFUL chocolate from Judy!  Trader Joe's chocolate covered BLUEBERRIES and peanut butter cups, and See's candies!  I hope she got mine in return...USPS says it got to her zip code at 6:00 this morning. 

Went to a League of Professional Women lunch meeting, with a theme of taking care of our bodies.  I had my bone density tested and am pleased to tell you that it is in the low-normal range - hopefully this means I will start taking that calcium, because it's not helping my bones on the shelf in the cupboard!! 

Strongly,

MB

Pantipalooza Draws Nigh!

It's Pantipalooza!  My shopping shall be done this afternoon, and I will post pictures. :)

Friday Five - Singing

Yes, it's true. Songbird's been watching Season Six of American Idol with her daughter, and so have Ken and I.  Like the Birds, this is our first time dipping into this particular well of pop culture. In the spirit of believing you can do anything, as the auditioners so clearly do, please fill in the following five blanks.

1) If I could sing like anyone, it would be Shania Twain.

2) I would love to sing the song Ave Maria, but I'm not doing it in front of anyone!  I just don't have the high range for it. 

3) It would be really cool to sing at King's College, Cambridge.  Lessons and Carols service. 

4) If I could sing a dream duet it would be with Bruce Springsteen.  Have you heard The Pete Seeger Sessions?  But I'd really love to sing Born to Run with him. :)

5) If I could sing on a TV or radio show, it would be as the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.