Terrapin Station

Clambering out of the Funk?

I've been quite depressed for the last few months.  I think that the incipient infection (which is now history thanks to meds) was part of it...there are other issues I can identify.  Most weekends involved much, much sleeping. 

But I am grateful to be able to say that:

• today I got out of the bag when Ken did and made him breakfast before he went to work
• dusted and organized my books in library room, made up 2 big bags to take to Recycled Books to sell - it was quite a mess and much better now
• I have kept track of and within daily Weight Watchers points for 5.5 days now...the longest I've been able to stick with it in TWO YEARS
• I'm headed to Recycled, library and grocery now
• Yeah! 

. 

In Memory

Those memorial pavers that were installed at church last week - had been on order for a long time.  I hadn't realized how long.  But I was communicating with Tennyson's mom by email, to send her a photo, and was shocked to realize that today marks one year since his death. 

Not so many people in my life have changed who I was by being in it.  But he did.  I will never forget him.

Interestingly, Mrs. LeMaster has now hooked me up with a group of folks who were friends with him back in jr. high days...I didn't know them because they were a year older than I was, and most had known each other from another local elementary school.  They have an online forum with stories...Reading their reminiscences is very weird...there are names I have heard, stories I've heard references to, but they are not people I knew.  But they do share with me a home place and memories of teachers I knew and of a particular person we all remember well. 

A reminder that our lives twist and turn and where we are now, and who we hang with, is likely not where we'll be in a few years.  Or in twenty-five.  What a long strange trip it's been...

My husband and I each got invitations to our high school reunions in the mail last week, ON THE SAME DAY.  His from Corsicana HS - 40th reunion.  Mine from Westchester HS - 25th.  Neither of us plans to attend our reunion, though we were briefly amused at the idea that he could go to mine and I to his, and see how confused we could get the people....

Random Thoughts

The energy work...negative and old feelings and memories continue to pour out of my body in sessions.  It is amazing.  I had a big breakthrough yesterday.  Now my teacher is on her way out of town for a few weeks of rejuvenation, so I will be continuing the work and exploration as I am able on my own.  It seems like a good time in the process for it.

My Monday yoga classes are a real blessing too.  It's a very gentle practice, with very small movements.  I feel us preparing for the big poses later on.  My body needs and relishes this kind attention. 

(This is titled "Compassion" and you may see it at www.artbywicks.com along with many other GORGEOUS and spirit soothing items.  Go see!)

I stopped by the library at lunch yesterday.  My attitude had been ROTTEN in the morning, and my whole body was hurting.  When I went into the library, that all fell away.  I turned in my first certificate for the  FIESTA!  Adult Summer Reader's Club and was allowed to pick out a free paperback book of my choice.  What made me the happiest was the cute pre-teen girls staffing the reading club table...volunteers.  They had me write my name on a sticker in marker pen, then they used the sticker to put up a green paper napkin on the wall, cut to look like one of those Mexican cutout banners: 

I also got a bookmark commemorating Fifty years of Texas Summer Reading Programs (1958 - 2008) which made me unaccountably delighted. 

I proceeded to the hold shelf and picked up three items I'd been waiting on, selected one more, and danced out. 

Returning to the car, my feet hurt, I remembered why I was cranky...you know.  I thought, "Dang, I should just go back in there for the rest of the day!

But I didn't. 

Yesterday's Lectionary Leanings were part of my bad mood.  No, not the conversation or the posting, but the topic of Abraham and Isaac and the sacrifice story at all.  I hate that, hate it.  Hate it so much I presently don't want to even learn more about it and come to understand it  (maybe there's a connexion to letting to of the old stuff?)  I can remember feeling different about it in the past...that it had been explained well.  Now I feel that there can be no possible explanation and I must needs put my hands over my ears and go "LALALALALALA!" if the preacher chooses this topic on Sunday.  Something to sit with.  Something to think about.  There is always a lovely fountain in the church close, if the sermon gets too much, or I can go to nursery and cuddle babies if any are there. 

On the good news front!  I am tickled red, white and blue that the RGBP Inc. Board chose to spend our CafePress proceeds on rabbits, chicks, and ducks.  You may read about that excitement here. 

And my church is planning a "Star-Spangled Staycation" for July 6th: a Fourth of July celebration after the 11:00 service for those of us not planning to go away for the holiday for whatever reason (including gas prices!)  We'll have a bouncy house, sno cones, hot dogs and hamburgers, and asking people to come to church in their picnic wear (because it'll be hot outside, afterward.)  I'm trying to convince Ken to set up one of those "mister" areas like at Six Flags (he has the hardware to do it) to keep the kids from falling out with heat stroke on the bouncy house...We'll see. 

My body

Yes, all right, fine.  I'm going back to the doctor.

I've been battling with a back / neck problem (misalignment?) for several weeks and it is better and then worse by turns.  I just feel inflamed all the time.  I've had chair massages and full massages; started Yoga; gone to exercise class, stayed away from exercise class; used OTC meds and liquor and Rx meds.  (Not all at the same time!) 

This morning I went to Sarah's house for some freezer cooking.  The meds she loaned me were helpful, but somehow I ended up in Haslet on the way home, nearly to Blue Mound. This is not what I had in mind.  I also, notably, drove the wrong way on what I was sure was a U-turn thingy.  When I got home I unloaded the car and lay down...

and slept right through the first hour of a meetup of RG friends from the Big Event in nearby City.  I had drinks to take, I had squash casserole, but I am unfit. 

Keep me in your prayers...if for nothing else, to stop dosing myself, because clearly I shouldn't do that. 

bye

Stuff

Would you pray for L, please, who is at the neurologist right now?  they are trying to determine why she is having these seizures. 

In the news of our exciting life, Josie and Boudreaux have had baths and blogged about it. 

Ken and I both have hurting necks, in the same place.  (Are we the pains in each others' necks?)  He distrusts my chiropractor, (to whom he has never been), because he uses an Integrator tool.  So to make Ken happy, I am going to see his chiropod, an old fashioned bone cracker.  As long as he makes this feel better, I don't care.  I ended up drinking vodka to get to sleep last night. 

The city is tearing up my street, which has me unaccountably cranky.  Hope I can get a better attitude soon.

As Seen on TV?

Am I the only one who sees those late nite infomercials and becomes CONVICTED (not convinced, it's more than that) that I must have whatever it is they are selling?

I have a rule about these things (she of the rules): I must wait three days; I must research the item on teh internets and by asking at least one person I respect in that field. 

Result?  Generally, the item is ... eh.  Okay.  Not supernal, not revelatory. I'm usually sorry I spent the money.  I usually don't do it any more.

But today I ponied up for "Finally Fast!" for my computer.  As in www.finallyfast.com 

Results: 

• The computer is marginally faster.
• I have not gotten the blue screen of computer death since I installed it (main desired effect) - I'll keep you posted on that one. 

Unrealized goals:

• It does not make me sit up any straighter at this computer
• My own personal Mount Washmore is still unscaled
• The groceries are only about half put away

It's my grandiose thinking, I guess. I am big on getting a great idea and deciding it will solve EV-ER-EE-THING in my life. 

Hosting the Preacher Party at Revgals, Songbird wrote yesterday about Amish Friendship Bread, and kindly included a link to a blog with recipes.  That link included a link to sites with STARTER recipes (the famed "bag of goo.") 

Ah!  I said to myself.  How Splendid!  This morning I had it all planned out, I would make starter and give it to all my friends!  I would make bread every day!  All the varieties! Yum yum!  Woo hoo! 

Wait...I can't have bread like that in the house, I immediately eat it all.  My husband on the other hand gets tired of most sweet things quickly and will not eat them.  Then I get cranky and finish it all up, to show him. 

Can you say, PATHOLOGICAL? 

Okay.  Turn away.  No Friendship bread starter for ME.  As someone referred to it, that would be Enemy bread for this girl.  I bought my husband an apple pie, which he likes and I loathe (I have a fear of cooked apples - a story for another day).  When he gets tired of it, I'll cut it into serving size pieces and freeze it.  Haha! 

Instead I have been reading the "bag of goo" funnies at the RGBP Saturday Eleventh Hour Preacher Party.  Though I write no sermons, it's always good for a laugh and thoughtfulness, giving me an opportunity to consider the lectionary for the morrow before I get to church.  Also lots of calorie free goodies. 

Now?  get up from the computer, put away groceries, scale laundry summit, listen to Prairie Home Companion.  Later, reorganize library room (props to ReverendMommy), RG business, work on Mindy quilt block.

Peace, y'all.

Some Things

*  Yesterday's birds:  cardinals (just the fellas):

(photo from Texas Parks & Wildlife)

and turkey buzzards riding high on the thermals:

 

(photo from www.browncountyphoto.com)

(Turkey buzzards = vultures.)

 

*  Did you ever notice how people gather around the baggage claim at the airport like a miracle is going to come out of it?  And then when their bags come out, they bow down to them?

*  I gave up something big.  It was hard and scary to do.  Now I am walking in the knowledge that maybe it will actually give me more freedom.  I have to keep breathing. 

*  I have such a settled sense lately of life as a continuum.  Of myself as myself, and that people will come and go on their own paths, and it will be all right. 

*  I read a book over the weekend called Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl I Learned from Judy Blume.  I am the right age that Judy Blume books were a big part of my growing up, and I certainly identified with some of this book.  But I was reading and napping, and I think that was a mistake: because the unhappinesses of the adolescent years in the books and in my own life filtered into my dreams.  :P  This somewhat negated my good place in the previous point.  So, read this book when you are fully awake and adult!  and, say, not feeling worried about an 11-year-old niece or daughter.  I'm to the point where I've blessedly forgotten a lot of the ugly parts of that. 

*  Birds.  Birds don't make fun of each other.  Do they? 

Random Thoughts

My fabulous brother in law (who reads this blog) said he couldn't write a blog because he'd spend too much time slaving over every entry to make it perfect.  Clearly, not me. 

There are indeed some bloggers of my acquaintance who are writer artists (Songbird for instance) but as you will know, I am much more a stream of consciousness type. 

So, here's what's been going on in my head: 

Birds?  Let me tell you, they've got them here.  Including one inside the hotel (the Grand Hyatt on H Street is built with a huge indoor atrium and a fountain with gardens around it, and the restaurant tables are beside it).  In the mornings, the resident sparrow comes and eats your muffin crumbs.  Did God send me this bird!!!???  And how lucky am I that they haven't removed it?

In the Bishop's Garden at Cathedral?  Birds with the sweetest songs you ever heard.  Glorious.  And even on my long walk between Metro and bus.  Clearly there are messages there. 

The Spellers:  I LOVE seeing these kids.  They are excited and happy and stressed (as the week goes on) and every different type of kiddo.  Big ones who must be pushing the 15 year age limit; tiny ones who have to be ... 8, 9, 10?  One family where the daughter and mom wear the Mennonite (?) headscarf.  Another family of five who dresses alike every day: mom, dad, and three boys. 

I need more kid interaction in my life.  This has been occurring to me for several months, and I talked last week to someone at church about helping out with the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, which serves as Children's Chapel for 3-6's during our 11:00 service.  I have a great love for this work (similar to Berryman's Godly Play) and I am excited about getting back to it. 

Overload Prevention:  The last time I attended this conference, 2 years ago, I got fried out.  9,000 people is a really ginormous lot of people...and given that I've been doing this work for a long time, I know a lot of people.  That means that somone is likely to reach out and grab you in the Exhibit Hall (for instance) at any moment to say HI! (and I don't like surprises).  You could go to 10 parties, dinners, receptions every evening.  You could wear your feet out.  To say nothing of meetings with partners, sessions, etc. 

I've finally learned that I have to go away every few hours, even if for just 5 minutes, and take a break.  Otherwise, by the end of the conference, I never want to come back. 

But so far, this year, given the little breaks...okay. 

Lunch tomorrow with new boss.  Dinner tomorrow night with old friends. 

Sleep well.

The Alto Line

Last week at choir rehearsal we ran through some hymns for the upcoming Trinity Sunday.  I knew I wouldn't be there, because I'd be at my parents' church visiting them.  But I felt fairly certain that "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty!" would be there, too.  To many it is an old chestnut, but I love, love, love it.

As we started to sing Wednesday night, I realized that what I wanted to sing (and wanted it BADLY) was the ALTO line.  That's where the interest and the movement is in that hymn.  Of course, I'm a soprano, so that didn't work; I was sitting with soprani! 

But as it started for the processional at Good Shepherd Anglican church on Sunday, there I was singing alto.  Probably the only person in the place doing so. 

Ask and ye shall receive!

As a child I used to listen to my grandfather's 1912 Edison Victrola, which had a recording of "Holy, Holy Holy."  We would often follow it with "The Lost Chord" and "K-K-K-Katy."  Great memories.

Raining

We are in our second day of thunderstorms here.  Potential for large hail and you never know when a tornado might show up. 

I have not seen any such yet.  I have the window in the office open because it's cool...and earlier during a meeting, an 18-wheeler came down the road in front of my building.  LOUDLY.  The student and I were both riveted as it approached and relaxed when it came into view. 

Yikes, that's all I'm saying.