One night at dinner, early in the BE, a recently-engaged person asked one of the RevGals who's been married a good little while if she had any advice of a sucessful relationship sort.
The person who'd been questioned considered, and then said, "Outdo one another in love."
She went on to say that her husband's parents had lived by that maxim and it had been very good for them.
I have been reflecting on that. My husband told me recently that he never remembers seeing his parents show any affection to one another. I found that so sad...mine did it and still do.
In the daily life of marriage, it's easy to forget little sweetnesses. Early on in our marriage, my husband pointed out to me that I was speaking to him condescendingly...and I know just where I saw that modeled! I was glad he told me. I learned to stop it (mostly) and if I do it now, he tells me so.
Tuesday night I came home and said, "I am so exhausted...I really want a drink, and you know it's bad if I come home wanting to drink." Ken said, "Let me make you one." And he did.
That doesn't sound so amazing, except that for so long he has felt so bad that he barely had enough oomph to get up out of his own chair and go to the bathroom...much less make me a drink.A special Bloody Mary, to be exact.
I was utterly charmed.
Saturday past, we'd planned to go fishing, but we didn't because it was cold out. Instead he took me out to breakfast...something he doesn't like to do and he knows I LOVE.
At night, sometimes, I turn over and put my hand on his arm, and he takes my hand. In May, we'll have been married 14 years. It is good.
Here's what my favorite author has to say about it:
To a Long Loved Love: 7 (by Madeleine L'Engle)
Because you're not what I would have you be
I blind myself to who, in truth, you are.
Seeking mirage where desert blooms, I mar
Your you. Aaah, I would like to see
Past all delusion to reality:
Then would I see God's image in your face,
His hand in yours, and in your eyes his grace.
Because I'm not what I would have me be,
I idolize two who are not any place,
Not you, not me, and so we never touch.
Reality would burn. I do not like it much.
And yet in you, in me, I find a trace
Of love which struggles to break through
The hidden lovely truth of me, of you.
(in The Irrational Season)
