This morning Ken & I went to church. All was well with me as we rehearsed and vested. But when the choir processed in, singing "Christ is Made the Sure Foundation," it just flew all over me. How could we do it? How could we be clean and well dressed and happy, air conditioned and fed and worshipping? when so many churches are gone, so many people are drowned in their homes, so many are suffering untold misery?
I sat in the back of the loft and tried to get it together (and be unobtrusive), but finally I had to go back into the choir room and cry and cry and cry.
I've had tears in my eyes many times over the past week, but not had a real cry like this one. Clearly I needed it. I've found many times over the years that somehow my skin is thinner in church than any place else. I guess God can get to me better there.
It's not that we are doing nothing. And thank God we are able to be here, doing what we do as a community, so that we can move forward and help other people get back to their normal, too. The church is participating in a number of efforts. There were cases and cases of bottled water along one side wall that people had brought to donate. There was a bloodmobile outside and I donated blood before we left.
There will be opportunities in the weeks to come to donate sheets and clothes, sort donations, etc. Ken and I have notified Episcopal Migration Ministries that we are willing to host a family in our motor home - it is hooked up to sewer, water & electric right next to our house. It's small but comfortable. I hope that can work out. In the meantime, I can pray.
I think I have to watch less TV coverage of this situation; I've been glued to the TV all week, as if that would do any good. For the same reason that I refuse to watch horror movies - that I have enough scary things in my head already to last a lifetime, and I have nightmares about what I see - I can't take any more of this. One hour a day is all I get, plus newspapers. That should keep me up to date and also give me some time to live constructively and move ahead with my life. Maybe I'll even be able to help someone else move ahead with theirs.